Purg - what 25 says ^^^ seems to make so much sense. You have no idea of any kind of future (with H) because of your sitch and the deployment. Regardless of H's pushing back or acting differently than you might hope for, it seems wise to create some family events and sitches that become part of your family history. That way your boys, you and your H have that as an option to choose when he comes back. He'll see that that is there as a way of life if he wants it. Given the sitch and that he is deploying that's probably the most you can do from a practical point of view.
One of the things I like about 25's advise is that it usually offers real concrete actions that can be taken to clear the road home. Kind of the like the Martha Stewart of DB'ing. Use everything around you to create something good.
