Brand New here, my story, my ?'s

[Ichrus]

Thank you all for the replies and validation...sometimes it is just good to hear from others that what I am doing and what I believe to be the correct course rings true to third parties as well.

I certainly plan on being steadfast and standing my ground on this issue and some others in a calm and cool manner, being as detached as possible. I also picked up a little on the irony of her being able to vent to me about OM...maybe that makes me OM²!

I will be interested to see how this goes...mind reading a bit, but it seems like W is starting to see some of the cracks and holes in the fantasy with OM, and facing the fear that her plan might not go how she envisions and she could end up all alone. I can also see how him pulling back could strengthen her resolve and desire to get us over with so she could finally feel free to explore a R with him...so it will be interesting to see how it goes.

W spoke last night with a female friend who has been thru D recently and used to work in the courts to get more info on paperwork and steps, she also has an IC session tonight (her 2nd). She told me before that in her 1st session the C asked her "why are you still in the M then?", she seemed to use it as validation, but I don't know the way he asked her (he could have been challenging her)...so it will also be interesting to see how she feels and acts later tonight. I try to approach this from a detached perspective, almost experimental in wondering how she will act and react as she moves through different situations. I like the lighthouse analogy someone else posted, with the LBS as the steadfast lighthouse trying to show the way safely home and the WAS caught in their own sea of emotions and turmoil, behind and beneath waves of mostly their own making so they sometimes can not even see the light that might lead them home.

So we are still moving forward on "our" plan and she still is set on her course of D and separation around June...and while I feel I am much more detached and prepared for whatever path may come, I am encouraged by the stories of those who were days or even hours from signing papers, or even separated...then found a way to work on a new R together.

Another interesting moment last night, we had a fairly light discussion, her sharing what she learned about D paperwork, me mostly listening...and after she said (smiling and jokingly) she was just so stressed and tense that we should just go to the bedroom and "do it", and she really needed something like that. I smiled and joked a bit back saying "you know I would love to, but you seem to be the one who can't even stand being in the same bed with me" giving her a wink. I didn't want to jump on her offer too strongly, partly because I didn't want to react or reengage too much...but it makes me wonder if she might be interested in that. I had let her know before that I had no problem with it (as I suspect most men would not), and that we are still married and friendly toward each other...and of course there are many benefits to ML, stress relief, feeling better overall, etc.

Any thoughts or strategies on if she mentions "just doing it" again? I would love to, and think anything that might help bring us closer together and connects us is a good thing...but I could also see her wanting it, feeling uncomfortable and weird about it and maybe pulling back hard in the middle of it or afterward.