It’s been a couple weeks so I thought I might as well give an update.
My ex and I have been talking through some of the issues of the past. I can see that she is progressing, yet not even close to the end of her journey. I decided to remove myself from her drama and continue on my journey. I thought for a few days that she was seeing the light then I realized she is still blaming anyone she can on her problems. Especially me when she feels the need. She continues to lie about many things and anything just to try and justify her actions. I decided that I wasn’t going to hold anything back with her anymore. She asked me who I thought was more mature between the two of us and I told her that I feel I have been. I told her that this is her MLC and she has become a very selfish person that was literally hard to deal with these days. She told me that she was the opposite of selfish, so I went ahead and pointed out all the new expensive clothes, expensive trips, wanting a new hot mustang, and her new 18 year old party girl life style. She kind of got a little upset with me and I didn’t care anymore. She told me again that she wanted to date the guy that I mentioned was a complete train wreck and I told her I wasn’t getting in her way. She told me that I was the reason that he didn’t date her a while back. I told her that I didn’t do anything to stop that and she just kept blaming me over and over. Then she had the nerve to tell me to look at how long my car had been parked in front of her house. I started laughing and reminded her that she was the one that wanted to talk to me. She is still upset her dad calls me and we talk, she still thinks we talk only about her and how bad she is behaving. Honestly we talk about hunting, motorcycles, home projects and things men like in life. I told her flat out that over the years her dad and I became friends and he and I will remain friends probably forever. I did the best I could with what I was working with and said I was done. I just get a little tired of trying to be the better person in this mess and not receiving the same in return. Maybe that was the wrong way to deal with all of this but I just have had enough of the drama. Most of this happened Sunday night.
What I wrote above brings me to this part. I met up with a woman that I hadn’t seen in about 30 years a couple weeks ago and we talked for quite a while. She made it very clear she was interested in dating me and I was honest and said that I didn’t think now was a good time to start dating anyone. I told her that I would rather be friends and explained that through the divorce I had built some type of crust that wouldn’t allow me to give anything to a relationship at this point. She seemed to understand and said she would give me all the space and time I needed and when I get to a different point and we are both available we could see what happens. She even told me that she went through something very similar when she got divorced. During this time my oldest D was hospitalized and had to have surgery for her gallbladder. The ex and I were at the hospital and she asked me to go have lunch while my D was resting and we needed to make a plan for our granddaughter. We had lunch made a plan and nothing else. As it turns out the ex and this lady have a mutual friend in common that likes to stir up drama. The woman from the past asked me yesterday morning if I was dating my ex, because someone seen me out to eat with her the other day. It was 2:00 in the afternoon not very busy and I didn’t know one person in there. I didn’t put two and two together at first then remembered the lunch and the mutual friend. I am not sure what has been said between the three of them but I am sure that it has been taken completely out of context. I am not really worried about what they all have dreamt up because I know the truth and have been very honest.
So that brings me to where I am today. I am going to live my life and if I do decide I want to date someone I am going to date that person. I do have my days when I really want to connect with someone on an emotional level different than just friends and I also know that I won’t hurt someone because I am not capable of putting 100% into a relationship. Been there done that, so why bother wasting time. Something that I noticed and maybe it’s just me but I didn’t feel any attraction to the lady from my past. The best I remember before I was married, that I had butterflies in my stomach or felt some type of spark when I wanted to date someone. That never happened and I never felt any connection other than remembering old friends from a different time in my life. Sometimes I think that I put too much thought into life and that will be my downfall. Then I think I want someone on the same page as me in life and that’s my future goal. I also feel, if and when I do feel that butterfly or spark, I will pursue a relationship with that person. I also don’t fear being alone, I found out early on that there are plenty of guys out there, that are not capable of providing what I can in a relationship. I have seen the needy and desperate and they make a good person run the other direction. Funny thing, didn’t we all learn that in the list of 37 things not to do in a relationship? The things we learn in life! I have plenty on my plate with the new house and my kids to keep me busy for a while.
Take care everyone!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
