I read some of your old post Kat...your first posting sound like my situation so much!!..My S15 is having a hard time with all of it, his D just told him about the ow about 3 weeks ago(they have been seeing each other for at least 8 months from what I can tell) after lieing to him for months and he has been pretty confused ever since. He has just started seeing his D this last week again after refusing to and D isnt really pushing it, and often cancels for "work" at the last minute. His participation in "Co Parenting" has been minimal at best... AT this point Im ready to get it over with, He pushed so hard for this D and as soon as he found out what support was going to be he flipped out and started the stalling. Got a lawyer without telling me and is not fighting everything. Our first court date is May 2. In the mean time he knows we are barely getting by, doesnt care and doesnt ever call or ask if we need anything and if S15 asks for anything (school supplies, shoes, anything!!) he says he has no money, yet I see him all over town with ow. We on the other hand have no money for the basics like gas and groceries...the fact that he has money to sit in a starbucks line with her makes me want to scream!!.. I go back and forth from missing him to hating him, and hope for the day that the crash and burn happens. He on his own for the first time, has lots of money to burn right now and has NO responsabilities, life is great for him. When life sets in he will have a rude awakening and he has NEVER handled that well. He walked away from my 2 sons (his Step sons) and has not spoken to them in 8 months..he raised them as his own for 19 years... I never would have seen this comeing in a million years..at least not this way.
Me:48 H:42 M: 18 yrs. S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H D bomb: 9/9/11 OW confirmed 10/30/11 D papers filed 11/01/11 S15 S21(Special needs) S28
Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...
ITM: If you are in real dire straits (meaning no money for food, housing etc) - you can go to family court and go for support for the interim. Do that immediately (ask your lawyer how it works where you live) if you don't have enough to get by. Do not put it off.
One of my closest friends had her H do everything similar to my situation and yours 3 years ago. Lived with OW and did not give his stay at home wife $ for anything. She had to use their line of credit which she then maxed out over the course of the year. Their case was extreme. OW dumped him and he wanted back (often happens). She had grown to a point she no longer wanted him and said no. A month later he jumped off a bridge and died! Very tragic. But he had shown his true colours by not supporting them.
Don't back down on what you need. Call your L and let him/her know how things are and that you need some resolution now.
The funny thing when I wrote my first post was that I thought I was in a pretty good place! I know I was doing better than I had been but I didn't really start to get on more solid footing until I had been on here a few months.
I agree with Barb. Speak with your L. Get some relief.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Once the papers were filed and we had the first preliminary hearing (a week after the papers were filed), I had to to start paying child support from that day.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Kat: We all thought we were in a good place. It is only in looking back that you realize things.
He is responsible for child support from the beginning. My ex did not pay it on my college age son nor did he pay tuition. When we got down to the finalities - it was all retroactive. But these dickheads would rather take that out of the "settlement", leaving you with nothing to go on in the interim. How they can do this to their spouses and children is beyond me. But they do it.
We have a court date May 2, and its my understanding that this is when the temp support will be put into place...ill have to ask my attorney... He is paying me a little support, no were near what the state requires and between what I make and what he gives me we have just enough to pay rent, utilities and minimal groceries and then Im broke until the next time he gives me money...
My L heard from his L last week and was told they are putting together a "purposal" for us to look at before the court date...this is after he sat with my L twice and we hashed everything out, he said it looked good and then refused to sign. I then came back with a lower offer of support and he again told me that was more "reasonable" (it was half what the state guidline was for my spousal) and ...you guessed it...refused to sign AGAIN and then got his own L. All this back and forth ran my L bill up quite a bit (he had agreed to help pay the bill until he got his own, changed his mind on that to) and we ended up getting nothing out of all of it. and the whole time he was telling me how he didnt want to make this difficult, if I would JUST be reasonable.... Im hopeing it ends up that he pays what the state requires AND the L fees he ran up...that will put a little skip in my walk!!!
Me:48 H:42 M: 18 yrs. S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H D bomb: 9/9/11 OW confirmed 10/30/11 D papers filed 11/01/11 S15 S21(Special needs) S28
Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...
Have your L put that in there. Never settle for less than you deserve. My ex wanted me to do the work for him to divorce me and I wasn't doing it. It killed me when I heard him swear in a court of law that there was no fixing us, then I was done.
I hate that there doesn't seem to be any accountability for cheaters. To get married there are classes to attend but to get divorced you just have to say you want out.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Why would you settle for half of what the state guideline is? If he's a cheater especially, why would you 'settle' for anything less than what the state guideline is! My advice is to not 'settle' for anything less than what the state guideline is! Don't do it! Period! Be absolutely firm and up front about this...starting right now, and stay that way throughout. Do not waver. These cheaters create a fantasy world for themselves, and that's where they want to live. And damn the people they hurt in order to do that. But your reality is that he cheated and left...leaving you with a tremendous amount of hurt and disappointment. His reality needs to be that there are consequences for his choices...and some of those consequences are heavy financial penalties. DO NOT let him skate by on this issue! .
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
ok..Im really trying to stay calm, but I got his "purposal" offer and am completely freaking out!!!!... I have an appt on Mon. to go over with my L but Im am really scared.. I dont even know were to begin but he is offering a quarter of the state guidlines for CS and a little over that for SS...because his L says he is not guarenteed the overtime he has always worked and says that I should be working full time (I havent since the day we married) and figured out the amounts based on his base pay and my "full time" wage...we have tax forms for the amount he makes every year and he has made at least 30 grand in overtime every year but does not want it figured in. he has paid my truck payment since we seperated and wants to be reimbursed for half of that amount, he is asking for double the time we agreed to for our S15 and he hasnt even consistantly seen him for his weekends since June and I have also documented that ...but my L is saying S15 will have to speak to the judge now since he is of an age to speak for himself...he is so devistated by all of this I didnt want to drag him into it and we had already agreed on that. STBX works so much he cant even see him alt. weekends and the one night a week we set up...S15 just spent the weekend with him last weekend and that was the first time since Jan...He knows he cant have him due to his schedule but wants it on papaer so his support amount will be less.....WHO IS THIS PERSON???!!! I cant believe he is going to take this to that point...at this point I am not settleing for anything but have seen these men go into court and win on things that just seem obviouse that they should have to pay from friends experiences and I am terrified....we would not even survice on what he is agreeing to ....we would have to move and give up what little we have now... after 19 yrs it has come down to he just wants out of his responsabilities and will do what ever it takes to get there....
I guess i wait to speak to my lawyer but I just feel so violated after reading those papers...
Me:48 H:42 M: 18 yrs. S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H D bomb: 9/9/11 OW confirmed 10/30/11 D papers filed 11/01/11 S15 S21(Special needs) S28
Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...
Still am some days.