New Day Rising

[greatwhitenorth]

I was having such a great day and feeling so upbeat that I decided to call H this evening rather than wait until tomorrow.

Convo was fine. He told me about the heart situation, the study he's going to participate in as a patient, the possible surgery. I was supportive and understanding and just let him talk. I tried to get off the phone twice and he came up with something else that he needed to tell me about. Then he said "let me know when I can come and get the rest of my things out of your house" or something to that effect. And that was it.

I decided then and there that I can't do this anymore. I am in such a good place now, and when he pops up my head starts to spin. I said "Can I be frank with you?" and told him in a calm voice that I couldn't understand his need to tell me about any of this and that it threw me for a loop. He said it was because he didn't want me finding out from somebody else, to which I replied "there's nobody else I would find out from, our lives have been separate for seven months. We're not together anymore." I said I wouldn't hear it from his D because my relationship with her is separate from him now. He said he really appreciates that.

I told him that every time he does something like this is sets me back and I can't do it anymore. He said he didn't mean to cause me to start thinking about him, to which I replied that i don't think about him, i think about my marriage, and that he needs to leave me alone so that we both can move on.

And with that I am done. I have done the right thing throughout this entire episode and mostly the right things in my marriage, and can no longer bear the pain that comes from his rejection of our life together every time he pops up. I deserve to be loved by someone who is able to truly love and who appreciates all I have to offer.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read about my situation and given me much appreciated advice. Just your presence has helped me to get over the hump to where I am. I hope that something in my story or something I have said has been a help to someone here.

Now I must get out of my system what I hope is the last cry I'll have over the loss of my marriage, my hopes and my dreams as they were.

All the best.