Yes, I am 180 on my habits. I have been putting my pride to the side and been incredibly open and sincere, and doing more honest communication without blame. It has been a wonderful journey because I am actually applying it to many of my interactions and it works well, very well. So, I am benefitting from this process.
Regarding the R: to be honest, there aren't major issues that can't be resolved. It was just the usual stuff nothing major that I can see - but this is my perspective. He however sees it differently. Without realising it I think he is going through some kind of identity crisis. It's like he wants a divorce but does not want to end the relationship - and is wanting to turn it into a friendship - just to exercise his will. He still loves me, and I still love him - we continue to say it regularly to each other. He perceives that I have been the one 'in control' of the relationship - but from my perspective we have both been in control. The biggest difference is in temperments. He's been a people pleaser and I tend not to be that way. He hates confrontation, and I have never had a problem with that.
He is stuck in our past, and has lost trust that things could work out because 2 years ago I laid the bomb on him of wanting to separate. He has not recovered from that. So, we have reversed roles now which is what allows me to be more understanding than I would normally be. Back then, I too was stuck in our past and couldn't see how things could work and I too was adamant that it should end. This is the crux of why this thing is moving in the way it is.
What got me to change my mind? His incredible steadfastness and strength. That he finally was listening to me. Not much had changed mind you, but I was looking for validation (I know see) more than anything else. So, I have begun to listen - truly listen - to him, and I see that the one thing he wants more than anything is peace and harmony. I think he thinks that the best way to get it is by not being together anything. So, that is what I am working on - creating as much peace as possible.
Except that now he is trying to apply 'peace and harmony' to the divorce process and that is a big hurdle for me. But maybe that's exactly what I need to do. Still, I need to look after myself financially, but how to achieve peace when there are differences in the way things should go?
