On February 29 he filed for divorce. This past Saturday, March 18 I was served. I was just devastated. Since the bomb I have found hidden charges on the credit cards for flowers, restaurants, gas purchases in areas miles from where we live. He has started using Rogaine, coloring his hair and wearing different style clothes. I even saw charges back in November where he started registering for online dating sites.
Well, since I got served papers yesterday H and I had a long discussion last night. I didn't bring up the credit card or anything. I cracked the surface and I saw my H that I haven't seen in months, maybe even years. He cried. I have never, ever seen him cry.
Basically he told me he has no intention of leaving me hanging financially and made a pretty good offer of giving me $20,000 a year in child support, keeping the kids on his insurance and working out a schedule so we could both be in the kids lives every day plus paying for whatever I should need for the kids like sports, doctor bills, etc. He wants to make sure I will be okay on my own. He also said he doesn't want this to be at all like what it was when he was divorced from his first wife. He told me I don't hate you and I never ever want you to hate me. I asked him how I was supposed to believe him after all this? I said you don't talk to me, you don't want to be in the same room as me and you can't even look at me. And you say you don't hate me. He said nothing could be farther from the truth and he cares about me deeply. And he started to cry. He told me he doesn't know how else to act around me so he puts on the façade. He told me that this past year has been just such an emotional nightmare for him that he just couldn't deal anymore so he just snapped and now he just feels nothing. He is just dead inside. I told him that I knew the past year had been difficult. I told him I knew he was gonna snap. I told him I tried to help him. I asked him to talk. I asked to help and he just pushed, no shoved me away. I said I have been with you and sacrificed everything for you and this family and after 14 years of you being my best friend you pushed me away when I was just trying to help. I told him I can't change how you feel and I can't alter your decisions but I don't think it's fair that 4 people are affected by the decision of one, especially when two are children. And I also told him that I don't think divorce is the solution. I think it will only cause more problems. And I also told him that no matter what happens with us that he needs to talk to someone and quit pretending everything is okay in his mind. He needs to stop pushing people away and get help.
Brought over from your other thread, try to keep posting here until you get to 100 posts.
You are getting some good advice.
It will get better.
Read over those 37 rules.
Believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does.
DIVORCE = SPACE
Give it to him because he is going to take the space one way or another.
