1: My own journal 2: Hopefully as a source of hope in your journey through dark times.
It has been a while since i visited these forums and my old friends. I was on vacation for a month visiting my parents and family in India.
This vacation carried an emotional importance as it was during my 2011 visit to see my parents was when my wife filed for D and called me to tell me about it on the same day that my grandfather passed away. I feel that you don't need to die and experience hell. what i went through in 2011 was the real hell. I don't think anything can beat that. Thanks so much to this forum and the fine folks here, I learnt to stand up, live and thrive. I took this time to work on myself. There were lots of downs and few ups, but i pushed harder to identify my shortcomings and work on them...
Fast-forward to my trip. I should say i am glad i took it. Nothing i planned for my trip went right. Soon after i landed my dad had to be admitted to the hospital, fearing heart problems. I spent most of my vacation with him in the hospital and running around to take care of his business there. Then i tried to salvage my rest of the time and visited family and returned back. All my plans for my trekking trips: canceled. But this trip i will always remember and cherish, why?: Because for the first time in my life i felt in control, calm and mature. That i have reached a point where i can handle cr@p. Because during my trip in India, I also was in touch with my wife making sure she is emotionally okay. When she had dark days, i calmed her down over the phone. I am so proud of myself having gotten this far.
The future is never written. It is what we make it. The only thing i can do is to try. Then even if things did not work out, I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that i gave it my best.
I should say that our R is going ok. This last year has taught me never to get complacent or too excited. But i can see us being ok. We still have a long way to go to recognize, understand and respect each other, but i feel that it can be done. My W is now seeing her own counselor so she can recognize her issues and deal with them. It is too early but i do see some good signs. From my side I told her that I'll wait for her and be there for her as her friend as she goes through this journey. That she is not alone and i am in this for the long haul with her.
For now all i am trying to do is still work on myself and take one babystep at a time with her. Gotta see how that goes...
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
