I have been sending posts from 3 or 4 days ago to this thread but I see that nothing is showing up. Can you please let me know what might be the problem.
I just got an email from my husband about getting a mediator involved. I'm panicking a bit and would really like some advice on the next steps.
I am hoping for some pointers now as I just received an email from my estranged husband who says he needs to find himself, that he has not been living in his integrity and that he needs to do it alone (therapist advice). We've been married for 17 years. We've been separated for 3 months now - on and off for the last 2 years - and I'm pretty fed up. He wants to be just friends now. I feel like throwing in the towel, want to stop talking to him, thinking of him and just get on with my own life. I read DB and it was truly wonderful. I really wonder if it will help though at this point. Any encouragement would be most welcome. Thanks!
Sorry you are on moderation, keep posting and you should be off soon. Here is one of the missing posts above.
I am confused as to what the story is as this post conflicts with the one above it.
Yankee, I am sorry you are going through this. My husband is also very insistent that we be friends. He has also been insistent that he is going to file papers since October and so far hasn't so maybe there is hope for both of us. Just remember that either way you will be ok. Maybe you could suggest going to marriage counseling in place of a mediator? I know our MC also works with people who are in the process of divorce to get through it.
M: 27 H: 27 M: 2 T: 7+ First bomb: 10/23/2011 He changes his mind: 01/03/2012 He changes his mind again: 02/16/2012 I move out: 03/01/2012
Yes, I have gotten back on track now and am following the guidelines now. I am letting him control the contact, and he is contacting me more now. He does talk a lot still about divorce, and it can get a bit negative at times. But, at least he keeps talking and talking, so I let him talk and I don't argue about it. He is insisting on getting the financial side of things organised. I explained that it is not exactly on my priority list since it is a painful process, but that I will get to it eventually.
Otherwise, I try to keep conversations or texts or emails in the present day, and what is going on in the here and now. That is far more uplifting to me since I am enjoying my life.
I am enjoying just getting myself out there and busy and doing my own thing, and hanging out with friends and going to parties. I had stopped doing all that stuff for a while, and getting back into is so much fun.
I feel much stronger I do see that I will need a ton of patience though, but I will continue to enjoy myself throughout!
I had a pretty good day. I guess I have one question that I'm a bit stumped on how to handle. He is wanting to talk about divorce and the financial settlement. How do I handle that? My instinct is to not talk about it, but he wants to (which is why he is getting in touch a lot these days). Any suggestions on that?
I did get a little down today though as he sent an email saying that he knows what his position is and that's that. That was tough - and I haven't responded to him. I'm trying to keep things light.
My W refuses to talk about the D and goes on as if it is not happening. I am not an expert at this but was told early on to cooperate and let her go. I will say to go ahead and talk to him about it but only if you can maintain composure and not get into an argument. I hope others will chime in with other advice. Have you consulted a L? I would and don't tell your H. That is just for you to know your rights. So that is 2 good days you have had. That is great keep that up.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Yeah, it's pretty much the same as a no fault country. I have spoken to an attorney and know my rights already. I guess my question had more to do with emotionally handling that type of discussion more than anything else.
I do see that I will need a ton of patience though, but I will continue to enjoy myself throughout!