Now I have to choose: I could say, I'm so sorry, let's go back to plan A. (I know that it is plan doormat, but it looks a lot better than what I'm facing now) Or I can say, sticking with my decisions.
I think that either one could be okay. I think that if I say, "Here, I know that most of why you haven't filed these is because it is complicated and arduous. So while you were gone for spring break, I filed the taxes and then filled out these divorce papers. I know that you hate that I was so full of righteousness that I refused to sign them. Well, it's up to you. If you choose to sign them, then they are ready. I put in what we had agreed about. You don't need to tell me when you've signed them or filed them. Whenever you're ready." Then I can move out and GAL, relieve some stress, and 180 like crazy for two weeks at a time. And on my two weeks of being a full-time single parent, there are huge and obvious 180s I can tackle (like taking care of the kids and house). I don't know if anyone has seen success with such a drastic "rope drop," but everyone says success is not only when the divorce is busted. I started this journey going deep reading "Inside Out" by Larry Crabb. It resonated with me and was a vision of how I wanted to be. And 12-steps and recovery are not moving me towards "protecting myself." It seems like everyone is telling me to "protect myself" as an exception to "working the program." But isn't where the rubber meets the road the place where I should be most desperately fighting AGAINST my self-interest and self-protection? And practically, the terms we had discussed were much more fair than what I could reasonably expect to "win" after the horrors and injuries of a legal battle. Or, I could say, "these are my boundaries and I have to be a strong man and protect them." I could see her calming down. I could see her R w/OM dying sooner or later and her turning to find that I was learning how to be a man she can respect and trust.
I know how those two things feel to me, but I would like to hear from others.
