Well ... I'm back

[tpc1977]

Update, since it's been awhile.

We're still together, still working on things. We both have our ups and downs and both agree that life sometimes just gets tough and it ain't all rainbows.

Yesterday we got into it but I tried to ease us off the blame game. I was scheduled to train that morning with several guys but opted out because of the rain. (What I told them.) Actually, it was all the stuff going on at home. Our dryer died, my yard is a mess from a ton of rain, my weed eater died, we just got a new lawnmower because that broke as well, my daughter's room is in shambles from a full-on renovation we're doing, my wife got a hand-me-down table and chair set that needs sanding and refinishing, plus the house is just a mess. That morning it all came to the top and just beat me over the head. I couldn't check what broke on the dryer because my multimeter broke. I couldn't finish the yard because it was raining off and on. I couldn't finish my daughter's room because there's so much more to do. I couldn't finish the table and chairs because I need to borrow a good sander. Then on top of all that the brakes on my car started grinding. No warning. Just went from good to screw you.

My wife saw that I was in a mess mentally. Yes, I was ill. Not at anyone just at the situation. I like to compartmentalize things and finish them. I couldn't because it seemed that there was at least one thing holding me back from getting the job done. She thought it was because "I" was ready to work and "I" wanted everybody else to be ready. Nope. I told her she was wrong then she basically called me a liar. I then went on to blatantly state that our conversation would not continue if every time I stated one things she told me flat out that it wasn't true. Either she believes me or she can walk away.

Then she told me that I was ill because I had to cancel a training ride and that if that was the case I should have gone so I wouldn't be this way. I told her I cancelled it because I would have felt like hell if I was out riding while all this stuff was piled up. But then she told me that I didn't consider anything yesterday while I was racing. I said that nothing really bothered me until I noticed my brakes were grinding then when I got home and noticed the dryer stopped working. Things went from bad to worse and this morning it really hit me.

I also told her that yesterday when I got home we immediately went to work but I wanted to take her out to eat then a local NA meeting. I'm glad I did. We both enjoyed our time together.

She was in her mode. The I'm not buying it mode. So I cut us off from going at it and went back to work. Eventually things settled down and I finished a part of the room then went outside to work on the yard with the family. We started making headway, then it started raining. Sheesh. We continued a little more until I saw a snake and everybody but me went running. I believe it was a baby black snake. I could tell by the color - or lack of color. So I went searching through the area we were working to find it. But the rain kept coming and we went in to work on something else.

We started sanding the table by hand for a while but I really started getting tired and laid down to watch the race and take a nap. But no sooner had I laid down then the sun came out. Being the person I am (not letting anything go undone) I got up to go back outside. The grass was wet but it needed cutting, so I pulled out the lawnmower and went at it. Over by the area we were pulling weeds earlier I spotted the baby snake - I guess warming itself. Quickly, I darted over and cornered it. I asked me wife to throw me a glove. The little fella coiled its head to strike but I laid my gloved hand on it and picked it up. He didn't even try to wriggle free. So I walked him over to the edge of the woods and let him go.

The end of the day seemed more cheerful. We did get a few things done. We took our clothes up to the laundry mat and dried them while we went next door to get some groceries. We cleaned the house. I called me father in-law who used to own an appliance center and he left me some parts to try on the dryer. That'll be worked on tonight. I finished all the trim in the bedroom and pulled the tape. We only have one wall left. Then it's onto the floor where I'm pulling all the carpet up and we're going to do something crazy to the concrete slab.

We did make up eventually. All day I just acted normal and not huffy about anything. Yes, there was a lot on my mind. At a certain point when I get overwhelmed, I get serious.

For the past several days though I have been suspicious about my wife's behavior. I couldn't put my finger on it, but we did talk about it. I keep mentioning honesty and how I really want "us both" to be open. I also told her that if she feels the need to drink, then let me know. I'd rather know when she wants to then later when she's sneaking off and getting drunk. She agrees. There were a couple of times I couldn't tell whether or not she was just going hormonal on me or drinking. Sometimes when she gets in one of her down-moods she can almost act strange in a sense. She never acted drunk, just spacey. I dunno.

On the plus side, I've raced several times and have come home with money. I also go my upgrade to race in the Pro-Am field. It's been a goal of mine to get there. Now that I'm there it's kind of scary. These guys (kids) are just crazy fast. The races are a lot longer, the speeds are ridiculous, but the payouts are great. My first race was an eye opener. At one point I did think I could pull off something spectacular then reality hit me with two sledge hammers to the legs and told me to back off. But I loved it.