Suddenly Separated in VA -- Part 2

[mimivac]

Well, the weekend was mixed. What is encouraging is that I can now take care of myself through the sadness. I am still obviously not detached. After not hearing from h all of Friday, he called Saturday morning to ask if I needed to go grocery shopping (he has the car). I did and he came to pick me up. I was hurt by his seeming lack of enthusiasm to see me. In the past, he has always seemed happy to see me after a few days of absence. He had allergies and was a bit hung over from the night before, so that might have contributed to his low-energy behavior, but I was hurt nontheless. Yep, still have those expectations.

We both bought groceries and h stored them in my refrigerator because he had to rush downtown to go to a video game exhibit with friends. He refused to tell me who was going to be there (and I shouldn't have asked, but I did). This is typical behavior for him. He was always bent out of shape if I asked who he was going out with, as though it was none of my business. Now even doubly so. Lesson learned. We're separated and it really IS none of my business who he meets now. I am just asking for heartache when he won't tell me.

Anyway, he left me to put away his groceries and hurried out the door. The rest of the afternoon was nice for me. I showered and went out to old town to get my legs waxed (I know that doesn't sound like much fun, but I love taking care of myself like that. It's like pampering for me). I then stopped by my favorite Lebanese place and had stuffed grape leaves and a dirty martini. I felt calm and refreshed, if not a little sad at my h's behavior. I got home and settled down to watch the Harry Potter marathon on television when my h came back to get his groceries.

Here I did something that was probably not right. He was hungry and was on his way out when I suggested he stay and order food so we could hang out and watch a movie together. He seemed happy about that. I get the feeling that he is waiting for ME to ask HIM to do things together, to initiate contact. This is confusing since he is the WAS. He is the one who decided that he could no longer be with me, that he needed space and time to think. Yet, he is somehow waiting for me to be the pursuer. Don't know what to do about this.

So there was no contact on Sunday at all. It made me sad. But like I said, I can still take care of myself in this sadness. I made a homemade chicken stock and roasted a whole chicken. I did the laundry, read my fashion books, and watched movies. By the evening, I did my whole Sunday night spa routine and it made me feel better about myself.

I realize that he is hurting my spirit and I am letting him. I don't want to pursue him. He was loud and clear that this separation is his issue, that he needs to be alone and sort things out, and that he needs to make decisions about his life. I need to make decisions, too. I need to do things that are nurturing and healing for myself and pursuing my h is not one of them. I am planning a whole week of GAL.

Hope everyone is having a great Monday.

Mimi