New Day Rising

[greatwhitenorth]

Thanks folks

BM, I actually thought about not calling him back but then wonder if this is his way of reaching out. Or maybe it's just the checking-in thing that they do. There hasn't been a lot of animosity between us, so to ignore his request would probably be construed as nasty.

As for OW...I don't know if she's still around or not. H's D says he told her they're finished, but I don't want to assume that's true. Plus, he hasn't said it to me. I say nothing when she mentions this and have no intention of bringing it up with him unless he wants to reconcile. In all honesty I can't see him wanting to be involved in a new relationship with this going on. He's probably almost completely overwhelmed and shut down.

I really have no idea why he feels the need to tell me about this but like so many am playing the guessing game, all the while repeating to myself "I won't get sucked in. I won't get sucked in."

I did read up on atrial septal defect and it's congenital and is repaired, if necessary, with surgery. The mortality rate is zero, but the whole surgery thing sounds pretty intense. I don't know if he knew about this before but didn't bother to tell me or if it's a new discovery. In mild cases there are often no symptoms until adulthood.

I think he's contacting me because he's scared. Apart from the boat loan (and I might still be beneficiary on his investments), our lives are no longer intertwined so there's no reason I need to be told. I certainly wouldn't tell him if I were sick. The only reason I might consider it is to immaturely get a rise out of him or try to get him back via pity. But he is not me....

Or maybe he thinks he's doing me a favour, that I'd be upset if I found out through his daughter. I'd do my research and have friendly concern but my world would not be rocked, that's for sure.

I assume he has somebody to take him to and from the hospital and look after him at home. Maybe his mother, but he's in a one bedroom so I can't imagine anybody staying there with him. I don't know what I'll do if this comes up. I'd be surprised, but if it does I'll defer any decision until I speak to the wise folk here.

I wish I had a script to follow, but I guess that's no good when you don't know how the convo will go. I'm going to be sure to empathize and validate big time (opportunity for a 180...I'm often quite analytical...this is a chance to show him my soft side) and keep the focus on him.

Thanks again! Any and all tips and insights are welcome!