taking the time to watch the wave

[BFloat]

H txted me this morning saying S had been sick last night and at 5 this morning. said he hoped S didn't have gastro.

so what did i do?? immediately went into fix it mode! asking questions and offering suggestions. ugh! in retrospect.. it would have been better to just ask what he was going to do and let him take charge. darn it!!! i'm not even there and i have the urge to take charge!!

now to just go dim for a bit and wait for H to txt again w/ an update or whatever. can't believe how easy it is to fall back to old habits.

[ces67]

BF, don't work too hard over the weekend and be sure to share any good stories of your adventures!!

[BFloat]

Have noticed that H has been "nicer"? Not that he wasn't nice before. Hard to explain.

Tonight he txted me asking how much soup I wanted to take on my trip (he has made homemade chowder which I like). In the past when he's made some he has left me a little to try. On friday he had asked if he should make some. Then he txted again saying he made butter chicken and asked whether I wanted to drop by to take some to work.

It's strange. Ok.. I need to stop the mind reading. I'm starting to wonder what's up. But that was part of my problem before. Wondering.. So that I could try and control the outcome...

No GAL for tomorrow. Have to work. Monday I will try and prepare for the sleepover the following weekend w/ my gf and her kids. Laundry.. Pack.. Head out for solo trip with kids. I must be insane.. 6 hrs in the car w/ those 2 monkeys... On my own!! Lol. I'm bringing my guitar and lots of books. Work on the photography too.

[labug]

Did you see this? Mach wrote on Ten's post:

Those good times are what motivates you to do better.

Those good times are eventually the thing that will allow her to reconsider her decision...

You have changed...

She hasn't................yet

Enjoy the good times 10

Weren't you on here a couple months ago bitchin about how bad things were when you were together ???

Small measurable goals-----you wanted to be different

Hows that workin for ya ???

Not all applies to your sitch but...take what you can use and leave the rest.

[labug]

6 hrs in the car w/ those 2 monkeys.

At least they aren't Grmpy Mnkys!

[nhmom]

Have a great trip with the little monkeys!

As far as the strange "nice" behavior, it could be a million things. You're right not to read into them, but do take notice.

[rickb89]

B Bread...be careful of the roller coaster..it's a nasty one. I do like what Bugsy posted from Mach above though. Maybe, huh?

Your trip sounds so restorative for you. Funny, that is just the kind of thing the No More Mr Nice Guy book suggested...taking trips like that. Maybe the time away will give you more insight, or recharge you M batteries, or point you to something new. Whatever, you deserve happiness, lots.

[BFloat]

Feel blah today. Txted back and forth w/ H earlier about S still not feeling well. I aske questions but didn't offer solutions like I did yesterday. Just let him handle it.

Later in the evening, I txted H regarding the new line at work. I've been thinking that it might not work for me because the long hours woul make it difficult to care for the kids. In a 2 parent household it could work but being a single parent.. It really bites.

H said he knows I'm trying to think of what's best for myself and the kids. The new line would bring more income but it would be more draining. He just said he thinks I know what's right to do.

I so hate this position I'm in. I wish I could just wave a wand and either be R or just be done. I hate the logistics and trying to figure out the details. Some days I really wish I could start over. Not give up the kids but just knew where my life was heading. Some days.. It just feels like too much.

[labug]

(((bf)))

It does, doesn't it? Feel like too much, that is.

Some days I really wish I could start over. Not give up the kids but just knew where my life was heading. Some days.. It just feels like too much.

I struggled (still struggle) with this a lot and then finally came to the conclusion that I already had control of where my life was going.

I was just waiting for the OK from someone else.

I then realized that the green flag was up to me, if H caught up to me he did, if he didn't, that was out of my control.

It's a daily decision to keep moving forward and not lag behind waiting for someone who might never show up.

[nhmom]

^^^^You're so right, labug!

bf - it's so hard when little kids are thrown into the mix. Some days I wish I could just pick up and go some place new...start over. But then I remember S4 and know that it's easier said than done.