Zig,

Thank you for sharing your insight on this. It helped me a lot.

I'd not been thinking about my H like this (i.e., he literally almost doesn't know what he's doing, so he can get over it if he wants to).

Makes such sense to me. This whole thing is so non-rational, don't know why I'm still trying to see cause-effect links in anything.

And yes, you're right, need to let go, let go. In more ways than one!