DBing while settling finances

[needgrace]

I have been reading the forum and have read DR but this is my first post. I really admire all of you and how caring and supportive you are of each other.

My wife and I became domestic partners in 2004 and married in 2008. We were best friends before we started dating. At the end of July 2011, she told me that she was unhappy and did not know if she wanted to work on things or not. I was totally shocked as I thought that we both felt that we were the luckiest people ever to have found each other.

She would not talk about anything for weeks and then started her own therapy which she quit pretty quickly. She was angry and critical of me and found something wrong with everything I did. I made many mistakes along the way, pursued, cried and begged too much, even at times after finding DR. She moved out at the end of October for some time apart, moved back in at the end of November to "work on things" but moved out again a week later and said that she wanted a divorce.

We saw each other a few times to talk about the divorce in January and she was always teary eyed and held onto me and kissed me on the neck once. She decided that she wanted to work on things again and we went out a few times over the space of 3 weeks and we went to therapy twice before she bailed again. Now she is moving halfway across the country in April (to where family and old friends are) and quit her job. She has been really impulsive and I am not sure if that is a sign of a mid-life crisis or more of a WAS trait?

I am doing my best to GAL (going to therapy, making new friends, new hobbies) but this is really really hard. I miss her so much and am so confused as to what happened. The only thing I noticed is that she seemed more critical of me this past year, but she also seemed more critical of everyone. In hindsight, I know there are things I could do to be a better spouse and am working hard in therapy but am so sad that she did not tell me something was wrong until it seemed way too late.

We are still trying to settle parts of the financial side of the divorce (she has not filed yet) and I am wondering how to DB in the midst of what can be such a contentious time. She is asking for $ and things which I feel are unfair and I am having trouble not getting upset at her attitude. I am trying to tell myself that she is just scared about making it on her own (I have always handled the finances.) Anyone else have suggestions on how to DB during this phase??

Thank you so much and all the best to you all.

Me: 51 W: 41
T: 10 M: 7
ILYBINILWY: 7/11
Moved out: 10/11
Moved back in: 11/11 moved out again and asked for divorce 7 days later
Wants to work on things: 1/12
Decision to move across country: 2/12