Is this cake eating 5

[zig]

""I'll get over it, but finding out that he was going away with her for a holiday (my surmise, but pretty sure) has made me realise how difficult it's going to be for him (and me) ever to come back from his current choices. Hence my ruminations on how/if WASs overcome the shame involved.""

i know how you feel and i wonder exactly the same thing you do. i wonder though, that whether the LBS sees and feels the shame of it so much more intensely for the WAS , because we have known them as the good people they are before they did this. and then if i keep in mind that H literally almost doesn't know what he's doing, it's easier to understand how they can get over it if they want to. ( i mean i know he is conscious of what he's doing, but he's built his anger up to such a ferocious level that it blinds him in a way to the reality of what he's doing and how it is affecting the people in his family)

a few days ago as a GAL i went out with the girls to celebrate our friends b'day and at the first restaurant we were at, it suddenly hit me that he had been in there with ow, and then we walked by 2 others that he had taken her to also, and i had to just let it go and say you can't let this matter, because these are great places to go out to and there will be tons of other times when you will meet your friends there and you can't not go because they've been there together.

if we ever expect them to let go of ow and work it out with us, we will have to let go of these sorts of things, right? so might as well let go of them now.