Brooklyn Babe

[BklynMom]

Our cat Clarence is back home. The block cat lady, ironicly named Kitty, "rescued" Clarence from some menacing youth on Thursday afternoon. She kept Clarence in her house with her other cats. After I hung up "Missing Cat" signs the leads to the cat lady came flooding in. Now the cat is back;)

H & I went to a C Saturday morning to discuss custody of our girls and whether we should set up a schedule or not. He thinks we should play it by ear since our jobs are so erratic that its unrealistic to have a set schedule for the year.

I start to tune out and shut down during these meetings because I find the whole thing so painful. I am not allowed to yell or be mad or say this is not what I want per DB so I just try to stop listening. I know that is not the right behavior either but do prefer Friday night pick ups to Saturday morning is just a question I cant bare.

I think my tuning out is a bit passive aggressive but I dont know how to handle it. If I tell H I like plan ABC vs XYZ he thinks I am signing off on our separation. I do not want to sign off on this. I can be silent but I can not say this is okay.

The session does ultimitely make me feel better cause the C definitely says things to H that I need him to hear. This week when I was mentioning that through Alanon I have learned how controlling I am and that I think H to a certain degree wanted to be controlled, she asked him "Who was controlling growing up, your mom or your dad?" H couldnt answer. He looked at me to give him an answer. Kind of strange I thought, since its pretty obvious to anyone that he has a controlling father.

H mentioned to C that we were getting a D. I hate it when he uses that word.

Tonight when he was over he said regarding our relationship "where we are now" which I see as so much more positive. But I cant delude myself.

Unto some terrible news. Our neighbors, literally right next door, we share a wall have to kids about the same age as our girls. The girl is 4 and the boy is 18 months. We hang out with them all the time. I have been super busy for two weeks or so and havent been around. I find out this morning that 2 weeks ago they found a brain tumor in the little boys head. They have since operated and removed 90-95% of the tumor. He starts chemo tomorrow.

Say a prayer for him.

Lets all count our blessings.