Two steps away from our final signature. It crazy how easy a divorce is really? Well, At least for the one who’s walking away. I feel like I have repeated this story a million times over the last 2 years. Friends act like they really care. They have there “You’re so much better than him.” “You deserve better.” “You’re so strong. There is no way I could do what you do.” “You should start dating.” And then the # 1 comment ““I’m so sorry. It really will get better one day.” Then turn and go home to their happy little families. The worst part of it all is when they brag about how amazing their husbands are and how lucky they are knowing their husbands would never do what mine has done to me. Unintentionally, of course. No matter what they say they just don’t UNDERSTAND me and my pain. This is kinda long. I warn in advance. If your looking for a "What not to-do" story then best bet's mine is it.
My husband and I met and fell in love almost 13 years ago. We have had our ups and downs. Always him feeling like he had missed out on life from us settling down when we were 18 yrs old. But he’d always get over it and we’d get back to normal. We kinda did things backwards. We lived together for 8 years and had our daughter and I was 8 months pregnant with our son when we finally tired the knot. We were married 10 months when I my husband threw the “I love you but am not in love with you.” line. He claimed he wasn’t sure if he ever had been. He wanted to stay in the same house “For the kids” and wanted us to live separate lives and date other people. Then we’d review if we really fit together after some time had passed. He then proceeded to take his ring off and was just done.
It was like a explosion had just happened in my life. We had never even really fought. Our families and friends always looked to us as the couple that had a rock solid relationship. I had been suffering from PPD after having my son and had gained a lot of weight. I never thought he’d LEAVE. It was never even a thought in my mind, I was adjusting to life as a stay at home mother of a 2 yr old and an infant and after working all of my life since 15 I was having issues being stuck in a house alone. Yeah we had been having issues since having our son. Like I said I had gained a ton of weight and had become very dependent on him. He worked and came home and made us dinner (He LIKES to cook) and gave the kids the bathes and got them ready for bed.He had begged me to get a PT job to get out. Offered to watch the kids while I met some friends (Funny how men think meeting “friends” as adults can be as simple as going to Walmart and asking a mom on a play date. ) Asked me to take Salsa dance classes with him… But in the end all I had for him was “NO. I don’t want to.” In my defense, He LIKED cooking and told me he liked putting the kids down because it gave him time to spend with them after a long day at work. Also our son woke up 4 times a night till he was 12 months old… I was a walking zombie. I had noticed the changes in him when we hit out 6 month mark on our marriage. He started having an extremely short temper and seemed to snap at everything and everyone around him. That progressed into saying it wasn’t me or the kids but his Job was just old and he HATED it. He’d always loved his job. Anyways, so back to the explosion. I started all the things I shouldn’t have done. I Cried, begged, pleaded, grasped at straws, Goggled “How to save my married.” I tried to make things better by trying to become super wife. I cooked for him every night. Flattered him. Told him how much I loved him. When everything I did seemed to make him more angry and push me away I would start the begging all over again. He had changed. I felt like he was a stranger I had never met before. He had a cold shoulder towards me. All his warmth was gone. He was rude and harsh and honestly acted like he was 16 years old. He was 27 at the time but acted as if he was a man that was going through a midlife crisis. He changed his style clothing, Started listening to Spanish music so he could “Learn the language.” He started going to college to be a personal trainer (He works in IT.) Even though I questioned why he’d wanna throw away his career for something that wouldn’t even pay the bills he said it was his new passion and he decided his job his what made his life so unhappy. So I supported him. He had gained baby weight with me and when he was home from working and school FT he was outside “Walking.” A few months had passed and I was still in shock as to who this stranger was living with me. My warm, loving husband and best friend seemed as if he had been possessed by a wanna be player. One day while he was in the shower my husband had left his new cell phone plugged into a charger on the floor in our living room. He had never really had his OWN cell phone. We always had one we shared but this one he wouldn’t let me touch. My son was crawling and had found it and I grabbed it away from him because he was chewing on it. I noticed he had opened up a text message and it was from a woman. I called the number and got her V/M. It all became clear. He claimed she was just a friend in another state who he’s met through work and she was going through a divorce and needed him. Things progressed and he would talk to her non stop on the phone. He’d stand for hours outside talking to her. I started the above again. Cry, Beg, Plea….Finally I couldn’t stand him talking to her in front of me and I decided to play the “I’m leaving you and taking your kids” game. I hopped it would wake him up and make him beg for me back. That just made him angry and he said he wanted a divorce. He threated to take my kids from me if we didn’t come home. But said I’d have to get a job because he didn’t wanna live together anymore. I went back and started all over again, Cry, Beg, Plea, Mold myself for him. He became obsessed with “LIVING” life and living in the now and how I had held him back and he was finally alive for the first time. He wanted tattoo’s and had lost 80 lbs and wanted to travel and buy a motorcycle and go sky diving and LIVE life to the fullest. One weekend he claimed he was going out to a party with “His new” friends. I supported him and even helped him go shopping for a outfit to go “Clubbing.” In. I wanted to remind him he was 27 and had a family and not 21 but held back and tried to “Support” him and show him how much I loved him and would accept him in anyway. He acted weird as he left and said he’d probably just go for a few hours at the party and come back home to help tuck the kids in. My daughter was a huge Daddy’s Girl and was confused why he was suddenly gone from her life so much. She waited up till she fell asleep in my arms waiting for him to come home. He was gone for 3 DAYS. Finally on Valentines I checked our bank account and had found he had bought flowers from our account. I started to cry and jump for joy and then a thought popped in my head to google the name of the florist to see where they were coming from. I found that it was a florest in TX where his “friend” lived. I hit my breaking point. My angery had hit. I packed me and the kids. Bought airplane tickets and told him he had lost his family and I was ready to give him a divorce. He seemed happy and even drove me to the airport. He then started to cry and gave me the most amazing kiss as we said our goodbyes. I flew back to my family with hopes that he wouldn’t get over this. I stayed for 4 months and finally flew back. He moved out of our home and 4 houses down into his grandpa’s house and was head over heels in love with his new girlfriend. His “Friend” in the other state. She was still married to her husband she had first claimed she was divorcing and still lived with him and their son. He claimed that it was a culture thing because she was Spanish and she had a “Arrangment” with her husband and that thy were so in love that he accepted it and that he was gonna move there and be with her. He walked away from everything we mad built together. Gave me everything all he wanted was the car and his clothing. All a part of his LIVE to the fullest lifestyle. He was all materialistic to him and held him down. He had now lost over 100LBS and bougtht a motercylce and walked around like he was gods gift to woman. He was so broke and didn’t have any money to give me or the kids, or even buy himself a meal sometimes because he would send her his money. EVERYONE in his life turned there back on him. They thought he was insane and were mad at him for what he was doing to me and the kids. No one could figure out what was wrong with him and all his crazy actions. I found a lawyer and filed for divorce and took him for everything so I could block him from leaving the state with our kids. He was acting like a 16 year old at this point and as deeply as I was in love with “My Husband” I was accepting that this stranger was no longer him. After my husband took that woman on 3 vacations he finally opened his eyes to the fact that she was USING him for his money. She drug him through hell and I can’t say I didn’t feel a little bit of pleasure from it all and think “What goes around comes back around.” Over the last year I have fallen back and just accepted. The pain I feel inside is unbearable. I LOVE my husband. You all probably think I am crazy after reading all that but I still do. The man he has been is not the kind caring man I fell in love with. I just can’t move on. I think about him all the time. Cry almost every day still. We slowly started to talk and he started to become “My best friend” again. We have had lots of overnight talks. He cried and has apologized a million times for what he did. He’s gone back to the great dad he was. Did I mention the job I got 2 years ago was for the same company he works for? Yeah. He texted to me nonstop. Started staying over on the weekends and planning lots of family outings for us. He has been consistent on child support for the past year and never once missed a payment or a day from his visitation. However has not asked once to come back home. So I just accepted what we had because I didn’t wanna “Rock the boat” so to say. He also ignored that I filed for divorce. Acted as if it didn’t happen. All we have been waiting on is he had to goto his parenting classes and signature. I felt like things were finally working out. I had built myself a GREAT Career at work and had even had 3 promotions. I was higher up than my husband was and he’d worked there 6 years, myself only 2. I felt bad and helped him get a engineer IT position that he started 3 months ago. Needless to say I was feeling great. In a way I didn’t regret anything we’d gone through. He had pushed me to focus on me and my kids. I lost over 100LBS myself and felt confident and LOVED myself again. The Holiday’s came around this year and I have to say. It was the most amazing Christmas we have EVER had in all the years we have been together. I felt like the past was behind us and he was very close to coming home. He stayed more and more at the house. However 2nd week of January hit and he started the distant thing again. We got into a big fight because I found out that he had taken another woman to the movies with our kids and I freaked out on him. I panicked and cried and let it all out. I told him I still loved him and wanted him back and how amazing things have been and how stupid he is that he can’t see what’s right in front of him while he lives in a tiny room at his grandpa’s. He said he was confused as why I would think he was coming home. He said that he wanted to live life and wasn’t ready to be with anyone right now and that he thought I knew that. I later found out the person who ran to me about him taking another woman to the movies didn’t tell me the whole story. She was a older single mom that lives a crossed the street from us and had been been stranded because her car had died and she didn’t have anyone else to call and needed help. My husband has helped her with her lawn mower and odd stuff in the past so I knew she had his number and he’s not the type to ever say no when someone asks for help. He had my kids in the car when he went and helped her and she was on her way to take her son to the movies and offered to take My husband and kids because he helped her. My Kids got excited and so they went. My daughter later reported the same story to me and acted as if it wasn’t a big deal. So I felt stupid. BUT ever since then he has decided he’s ready to start dating other woman and finally “Put his life back together.” Hes talking about moving out and getting his own place for him and the kids and took his parenting classes last week and told me he’s ready to sign the divorce papers. He’s also EVERYWHERE I am with his new position. He works on the computers in the whole 4 story building where we work so if I need anything done for me or my employee’s systems I have to ask him and look at him and talk to him. He switched his schedule to match mine when he started the position in Jan and he also parks beside me every day. He’s also in every staff meeting we have for all the leaders at work. Our building as over 1,000 employees so only like 5 know he is my husband. All the woman think he’s the new HOT single IT guy. I think he’s seeing several woman at work and in the past 4 weeks has made a lot of friends and when he doesn’t have the kids he’s been going out. He’s not stayed over once and has been really “nice” to me as a person and good with the kids but suddenly I am getting the “Ex-wife” treatment. Hes been in this position since Jan and I’ll admit. My husband is very attractive. Women virtually throw themselves at his feet. I am back to being alone and now nothing really is stopping the divorce except me. I’m not sure how to let him go. Have I mentioned how much I love him? Apart of me feels like I need to just let him go. We were 16 when we met. 17 when we started dating and 18 when we moved in together. He will be 30 in 2 weeks and he’s always been in a relationship. He’s always had this “Grass is always greener” look in his eyes and I feel like he’s looked at me for holding him back from “freedom”. I know men don’t go through a midlife crisis at his age but he has all the signs. I have heard of something called a quarter life crisis that happens to individuals in their late 20’s early 30’s. I have always loved him. I have dated a little but in my eyes there is no one else for me. He is the one. But he doesn’t feel that way. And this might sound stupid but I dunno how I can ever trust him again if he doesn’t realize how much he needs and loves me. It’s been years since he has looked at me and said “I love ya babe.” Maybe the only way for him to do that is to date other woman so he realizes how good I am to him. What choice do I have really? I think about him constantly. I literally cry at my desk and to sleep at night. I don’t know how to move past this. I love my job and where I work besides the fact that he’s there too. I am falling apart again. Is the end? Is there any way to save my marriage? We are so close to signing and as much as I don’t want todo it I can’t force him to stay married to me when he wants to be free and single and “date”. Is all hope lost for us? We have a family and a home. How can he be happy without all this? I understand if you haven’t read my whole book. In a way it’s helped me get it all out.
