I am always thankful when someone takes the time to reply to me, so thank you all.

Kimmerz, I have read your reply several times TOTALLY agree with what you said about our hearts and heads not always being in the same place. It's been a struggle, but getting better.

Also you said, "Im sorry to say, as time goes by you just get hip to all these MLC antics, and each time they throw something at you, well you're stronger, wiser, and not as effected anymore." I think this weekend I have done a GREAT job of that. I am quite proud of myself. I was not home a lot, out GALing..... a friend and I went out to explore the old abandoned turnpike tunnels, fun, adventure, and exercise! lol Anyway, when Captain Cranky Pants told me he was going to be away this week, all I asked was which days, he told me and I said ok. I know it seems small but I was quite proud of myself for not asking where and why (I'm assuming for work).

Also, today he decided he wanted to be with me in the married physical sense (hahaha, my feeble attempt at humor), which has happened several times over the past 5 months, and an hour or two later he came back to the room where I was and said he was sorry for "what happened earlier". I was like what do you mean? He said you know, what we did. I told him he didn't need to apologize. He said he did because it shouldn't have happened and he didn't want me to "get the wrong idea." Instead of debate him or try to rationalize with him I didn't say a blessed word. Again, another small step for me. Before I would have said something, but this time I didn't. I think it helps that I have already made it through one of his cycles, and I kinda know what crazy behavior patterns I will be seeing (trust me I know he can always throw something else unexpected my way), since reading DB I know way better ways to respond. Either way that saying silence is golden, seems to be right.

Also I may be finally able to keep it in my head this is not really about me, even if he is trying to make it that way, it really is NOT. He is confused and not having the time of his life like he would like me to believe. He doesn't really have to be real with his family or co-workers and they will let him live in his little fantasy world..... he has to be real with me... and of course to him I represent responsibility....

Also I must add that the power of prayer has helped me sooooo much! I have been reading a lot of good books recently too, I just really feel like God is guiding me through this terrible storm in my life! Only He knows how it will play out....