New trying to DB-Help!

[jlove]

I tried, not hard enough I admit, but I feel free now. In 31 days from tomorrow, this chapter will be over and i can pick up my life with my kids and really begin detaching from her.

BUT is an excuse not to do what you know you should or what you want.

OK I am not here to convince you to contest your D. Actually that means nothing. Your D.

Really it doesn't. yes you do deserve to have someone who loves you but what does that mean J?

Your W may not be showing you what you think love is right now.

I may have said this before to you cause I say it a lot because it is important that you understand and that you not use your W as excuse for not trying...

use your W as an excuse to be victim of her choices instead of making your own.

You want off the hook?

sure go ahead no one will blame you. This is hard but you are missing something if you head for the exit.

The show isn't over. Hers maybe but not yours because you are writing it.

So when you said your vows did you say:

"I will love and honor you all the days of my life, for better or worse

BUT

If you stop showing me love the way I need to see it.

If you are scared and confused. If you are so scared you run away from me and can't see your way

THEN I won't."

As that what you meant to say that day?

I know it is hard to see right now J but you even said up there you haven't detached yet.

Detachment is a necessary step to seeing what you need to see to find YOUR way.

Not her way. Yours. If you are attached, then you make choices from your emotions and that will leave a scar on you my friend.

THAT will hurt you and keep hurting you. There is a difference between moving on and moving FORWARD.

This is not about her unless you let it be about her. It is not about her choices

It is how react to those choices that will make all the difference J.

Thanks for the advice TG. I have to stop operating out of pain and out of love. I'm just at my wits end and I don't want my kids to see this. it's a slow train wreck and I just want the pain to go away.

You are right, those were my vows, for better and worse. This is worse, so i still have to love. She can file after Retrouvaille if she wants to and I won't try to stop her. i'll let her go if I need to at this point.