I'll start with saying I'm doing fantastic!! There is much to say about detaching, and it truly is the single most important thing you can do for yourself, provided you truly do it. It's hard at first, but when you get there it's awesome. It lends you an entirely new perspective on your situation. I will also say I am truly happier than I've been in years and am full of optimism, even if the face of potentially losing my job. I feel strong and clear minded.
I haven't engaged with H on a meaningful level in quite some time. There was some minor conversation when he came to some of this things, which included a hug and kiss on the forehead. After that I asked him to please get rid of the phone and satellite...they're in his name and I don't have authority to make changes. A week later when it still wasn't done I emailed him again and he took action. Because there were some details that whould have taken several emails to sort out, I called him. First time I'd dialed his number since he got a cell back in September. He was odd on the phone...no pleasantries at all, I suspect because I'd never called before. We got it all sorted and that was it.
In the 3-4 weeks since then I've heard from his daughter several times to tell me the important things in her life. We don't discuss her dad. Our relationship is good.
So today I'm sitting in the backyard enjoying the absolutely gorgeous hot and sunny day with some friends who were over for a bbq when the phone rang. It was H. I didn't answer.
I had been out for lunch with a different friend yesterday in a small town close to here and the server was the wife of the good friend of H who took our wedding photos. We had a really nice catch up. H's name didn't come up. At the end she said she was amazed at how strong I am and how well I'm doing. I'm sure word of this encounter got back to H....hence the phone call.
So I let the machine pick the call up. Apparently H needs to talk to me about "minor heart surgery. I'm not dying or anything but I might need to have surgery to repair a hole between the right and left atrium. Can you please call me Monday or Tuesday night."
So what is going on here? I know it's not really important WHY he needs to talk to me and trying to figure out what he's thinking is a fool's game. The important thing is HOW do I handle the conversation? My friends advised that I hear him out, wish him well, but tell him I don't play that role anymore. That feels so cruel, but it's true.
Those of you who have read my thread might remember that this has happened before. First it was the stroke clinic. No stroke. Then it was the skin cancer. Don't know how that turned out but I guess nothing. Now a hole in his heart, which appears to be real and not a fantasy of his. You might also remember that his father was sick his entire life...skin cancer, epilepsy, heart disease, kidney disease, kidney transplant, and ultimately died of a brain tumor brought on by anti-rejection drugs. I believe this is significant.
Snodderly, I know you'll have some great advice. I would LOVE to hear from others too as I want to be sure I handle this really, really well. As sD said, it's hard to see someone with so much potential screw up so bad.
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
