I get that TG...it is about my choice and that I have a key. In fact, it took a long while to realize that it is my choice and that a key exists.

So I choose to do the immediate damage control first, protect the kids, protect me, rally and provide a future for them and me, recognize that my life and happinesss is my responsibility.

For her, I choose to keep being there when she needs it and reaches out for it, letting her go because she needs that, being a place of stabillty that she may someday be able to see, and even if she doesn't see what's what now I'm still there when she needs me.

Sometimes I think there's a conflicting message in DB'ing. Let them go, GAL, get past the anger and judgement, be responsible for your own life and happiness, recognize they have their own path to walk, deal with their A's, have faith in the universe. You do this despite an army of naysayers around you. And then when you realize you can lovingly let them go, and amazingly find that you can create happiness, some might say you are leaving them behind or your being too harsh.

If anyone thinks this is some easy choice, or I'm so happy about seeing my lifelong lover self destruct, or see my kids in pain, or that I didn't suffer the worst pain on earth and earn my way back to the world of the living teaspoon by teaspoon, then F off. I really can't get more alone anyway. You think I wanted to end up walking around in Boston with a bunch of strangers at 4 AM? Like you say it's a choice. I'm choosing to help her in the only way I see that MIGHT help her. I'm choosing to follow the true light of hope that I earned by my efforts, and appreciate the new people that have shown they care and have become the most amazing friends.

And humor in this? If there wasn't some way of finding something lighthearted in this it would have killed us all.

I wish the best for her. I'm choosing to not get in the way of whatever whereever she needs to be.

No. this is not directed at you TG....any of today's frustration. I had to own this sitch and do something about it no matter how shittty is was for me and kids. She may or may not own any of this...that's her road.