looking for hope

[chatterbug]

Hi Jc. This is going to be tough. But you need to get your fiances in order.

As you are a stay at home father. But you need to make sure that you will have enough money to survive a few months if your wife decides to spend like crazy.

I would put this down as the number one goal this week. And make it happen's. You have mentioned that you are going to do this in your first post but have not followed up with a progress report. Make sure it happens.

2nd. Any time your WS talks about legal matters or threatens lawyer. Walk away. Tell her that her lawyer can talk to yours.

Do not be drawn into that world. It will become part of the framework for why she wants a divorce.

I apologize. I read, but I do not see where you state your wife is sleeping and living when she is away.

You are in a very difficult position. You are right where the two of you agreed for you to be. Did you ever talk about an exit strategy for you to enter the workforce again?

I am also going to say that you do not have all the information on what is going on.

I believe you need to do a little investigation on the gym and then branch out to other aspects of your wife's life that you do not fully know. Follow up on suspicions. I am not saying to snoop around. I am saying that you figure out exactly what your up against.

Your wife is going to try over and over to draw you into drama.
You need to develop a very thick hide and act 'as if'. It will be extremely difficult. But you must do this. It is for you. And you alone. Read the list Rick posted. It is stated in there over and over.

Keep with the tidying yourself up. Your wife looks at appearance and health very importantly.

Dress yourself up to her level. Then go beyond. Heck. Start going to her gym. Just not at the same time. It will help with finding out what is going on. And it will eventually help with meeting her needs on looks and appearance.

Another thing. Do not beat yourself about raising your voice. Just forget about it.

Non-issue.

Same with her anger.

When you disagree. End the conversation. Do not slide on your self respect here. Do not encourage the divorce.

When she says that you are not thinking what is best for your son.

Mention that you are doing everything in your power to raise your son in a loving stable home with two parents.

Then drop it. She is going to say many bizarre things over the next little while. Worst case you have to repeat it like you heard it and just add the words. " I am" .... in front of it.

Let her come to her own thoughts on that.

Protect your son. And if you can go for full custody on your son.
And build up the background for you looking and getting back into the workforce.

Worst case. You get into the workforce and have proof to show that you are doing everything to support yourself then your child if you do divorce.


When she comes at you to move out.

Do not.

If she wants help to find a place to live.

Do not help her.

But I remind you. Finances are #1. You need to learn how to become a walk away here so you can survive and take care of your son.

Take care.