surviving and thriving

[chatterbug]

A long and needed update.

So here I am. I have moved another 300 miles.

Ladybug and I never restored our marriage. When we do talk. We are respectful. There is no bitterness.

At times it is weird. To describe the thoughts of a woman you loved for so many years. A perfect stranger? No. Hard to describe. They become a stranger. That is true. But one you know so well.
Do they ever leave your thoughts? No. You will think about them from time to time. It is your choice to how you frame these thoughts. Some times when I think of ladybug. I am angry. But most of the time I am just matter of fact. It is like thinking back to highschool and the friendships and relationships from then.

Occasionally I will have a bad night. Where I cannot sleep. And just think about everything that happened. Reply all the moments. The hurt and the experience.

But all in all. I survived.

I still struggle day to day with my faults.

I try to grow as a man.

When I left here. I cut it off. I could no longer be here. It was not helping me grow. I was just trapped here. So I left. It was the only way I could heal. But I would come back from time to time to read.

I missed that last mass banning. Chance. If I posted here all the time at that moment. I would have been banned as well.

At times I thank Michele for this site. It was tough to say her name as it was ladybug's name. But at times I am very upset with her as I think she has never understood adultery.

But her thoughts on personal growth have been bang on. And she has written very well on the 180.

This is a wonderful site. But it is just one voice. When we need many.

I have no idea if this will get me in hot water for the first time at this site. I hope not.

I see the good here. I always have.

As to my life.

I am dating a wonderful woman.

We have been through so much together.

A friendship that grew and grew.

I will be honest. The communication started here. But the attraction and love grew outside of this place. And that is one of the things that this site struggles with.

The power of emotions.

It is one aspect I wish that the site would allow. But currently it goes against its goal.

But in life. Not everything should be saved.

It just takes each person a different amount of time to realize this.

And DB is more than just DB'ing your spouse. It is a way of life.

Take care.