So much of what your wrote matches my H completely. Read No More Mr. Guy. Check out the web site. Your H has many deep psychological issues. Why did he let you treat him badly for years and not tell you he was hurting, and just walk out?? He needs to figure this out.
I ordered that book just today, blkynmom. Thank you so much for directing me to that... I think it will help a lot. I also purchased a book call The Enabler. It got good reviews on Amazon so we shall see.
I never would have thought my husband had psychological issues whatsoever because in so many ways he is so normal and happy. Well, obviously he wasn't that happy because look where we are right now... but you know what I mean. All along he was just trying to put up a front to make things better. How does a person live that way? I really am so curious to read that book to get some answers on that. I'm sure it will help him a lot in knowing why it is that he's so unhappy as well.
I know he realizes in this R that he is just as much to blame as I am. I know his dad has told him that several times before. So he is owning up to his faults in this. For that, I am grateful. He could easily see this as a one-sided thing that I am the only one that has changing to do. And we would probably be a lot worse off than we are now.
As for medication... I have since started to take some things and, wow, does it help. I recently was diagnosed with Adult ADD which would explain my struggle to focus on a task and get things done. It's crazy to know that I've been living with all of these crappy mental illnesses and just trying to cope with them and get by. When all along I could have been doing something about it. And that's where I wish my H would have taken a bit more initiative. Like... "Look, honey, obviously there is something wrong with you, what can we do to help you?" I would have loved to have had that conversation years ago. (I know that sounds kinda harsh, but it was obvious so it wasn't like I was going to get all defensive about it... just needed his support.)
Hopefully these types of conversations will be able to come up in the future. Still would love some advice as to where to keep my thought process on our date in a couple weeks if anyone would love to share.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
