Divorce....with a side of crazy...

[imthemom]

19 years of my life will become a distant memory.....that is incredably sad to me. We also have a disabled son, S21 is legally blind and has cerebral palsy due to a head injury at 6 months old. My STBXH raised him from the age of 2 and has not asked about or spoken to him in 8 months. I guess that shouldnt be surprising since he doesnt not keep in close contact with his own son, but it hurts that he not only walked away from my but from my kids that he always spoke of as his own.

My S15 got into some trouble at school this week and since comunication has completely broken down between STBX and myself I have limited contact to emails...I sent him an email to keep him informed and as per the usual did not hear from him regarding any of it. He called S15 last night but did not speak to me about it or mention it to S15. so much for co parenting...

I have tried over and over to keep this civil and be able to have some sort of relationship in order to make it easier on our S15 but everytime STBX says he doesnt want it to be this way between us, and then does what ever he can to keep it this way...it hard enough dealing with a divorce but divorcing an alcoholic recovering or not, is one of the hardest things I have ever been threw...they are irrational and ecotistical at best and down right cruel and self centered at worst. He is not thinking of anyone but himself right now and S15 can see it and keeps saying it and I dont know how to respond ...last night he made a comment that his D doesnt care what he does and I asked him what made him feel that way. He said, hes not involved in my life as a D at all....I said your D loves you very much and he just looked at me with this look of such disgust.....and when he talks to his D or sees him he is so excited and happy it just breaks my heart. He just wants his D back, and will settle for what ever he throws him. I dont understand that as a mom, and I know we are different with our emotions but good gawd, its his flesh and blood...how do you go days or weeks without even knowing what is going on with him? especially when he knows he is having a hard time??

Part of me thinks I should once again try to reach out to him and try to make it civil ...but I know i will just get lip service from him and nothing will change. I always have to fix things, its part of my problem. I cant fix him and if this is the way he chooses to parent I guess I have to let that be....I just wish there was somthing I could do to make it easier on S15...