Rollercoaster Ride...Holding on for dear life!

[purgatory]

Letting go of your anger will do so much good for your piece of mind. Holding all of that in, doesn't hurt H in anyway- it only hurts yourself.

You will have to do a lot of relaxation, journaling, therapy- whatever it takes to learn how to not let it eat away at you. Not to stress you out- but it took me nearly a year of weekly therapy to discover, learn and let go of my anger issues that were eating away at my M (even though you and H are in a rough spot- if your anger continues to build, it could ruin any chances of reconciliation- if that's still what you want.)

I know you love H and I understand how hard it will be to learn to 'get over' his A. (playing devil's advocate) Think about this: when he left, you wanted him to forgive you for your actions in the M- and it's taken a while for him to resolve his feelings about the M and decide to come back... Now it's your turn.
Your first decision is to determine if you want to reconcile the M. If you do, that becomes your stake in the ground- then all your other decisions/ actions should keep you on the path to that goal. If you *do* want the M, then you've got to do the hard work to resolve your anger.

Hope I'm not coming off to harsh.... I just don't want to see your anger get the better of you