It does drive you crazy, the inconsistency in our Hs behavior. You are doing amazingly well, much better than me in my stitch. Don't be hard on yourself. I am a Navy wife whose H's left on xmas eve 2 1/2 years ago, to have his deployed for 15 months and while deployed, we began reconciliation, and then 1 year into the reconciliation, he wanted out again. I let that destroy me and that is why is am in a deeper level of therapy.
I often feel like I don't have much to add because of badly I have reacted to my H need/desire to leave. I guess it is because I know now that I never truly let him go, detached - I thought I did, but the events of last month tell me I never did emotionally, I kept him mentally attached.
You have a unique opportunity to be YOU. Self worth and esteem are essential to your well-being and may help improve individual relationships. I have experienced low self worth and esteem and combined with my inability to trust my H. I believe this has contributed to my downward spirals and possibly contributed/helped him to justify his negatives feelings about our marriage.
5 weeks ago I reached a very low point and I am finally beginning to understand more about myself than I wanted to know all during my life. For a longtime, I always excused my Hs behavior. We are both depressed and we were cycling between feelings of uncertainty, distrust, depression, and idleness. While he was right to say I needed to seek help, he needed to as well.
I know how difficult it is to have the person who you turn to for support and understanding walk away, well, I guess we all do. I feel good when my mind is not racing on what my H is doing or thinking. Do you have girlfriends that you can spend time with? Do you have a hobby? I recently started running 3 weeks agao, even completing the St. Patty's Day race here in DC last weekend. There are many sites where you can meetup with other folks who may have the same interests as you.
Keep you head up. Things can get better.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
