Hi Accuray

I admit to not having read all your posts - so forgive me if I get anything wrong. I dip in and out of your postings and I get a little bit frustrated by the woe is me attitude. However, I accept that you are also coming to terms wit the fact that your wife may just not have the capacity to engage in "love" in the way you, and many mature people, want it.

Two reading suggestions. Passionate Marriage, by David Schnarch, is a book that is talked about on and off with fashionably regularlity around here. I read it 7 or 8 years ago and to be honest, I didn't get it. I'm reading it again now, as a 41 year old woman in an extremely satisfying sexual relationship ... and all the pegs have fallen into place for me. The most fundamental thing I've learned from re-reading Schnarch is the concept that in order to become an amazing sexual partner, you need to be in a position to differetiate yourself from the relationship, in a similar way to the way we "detach" when DBing.

I'm not going to try to explain it, because I won't do it justice - but seriously, read the book, not just for the dirty bits!!! It's gold.

Second, and a little more controversially, read this post from the MLC forum MLC or Passive Aggressive Narcissism

there could be something in it for you. or not!

Good luck.

PS - Hi Captain ... gorgeous pragmatic advice as usual - but sometimes I wish you'd loosen up and have some fun!!!!! You always sound so serious smile Hope you are well. V


V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.