Is this cake eating 5

[Denver_2010]

Something that's on my mind at the moment that I can't throw off.

ncl - you out there? Cause I know you've been through this issue yourself.

How does a WAS get past the shame of what they've done in having an A?

That is, how do they overcome the impetus just to keep going on the path they've chosen in ending their M because it's just too hard/embarrassing/hopeless after what they've done to turn around and try again.

Is the answer just "who knows? Some of them get there and some of them don't?"

Does anyone have any experience with a WAW who came back and explained how they took this huge step?

I get the feeling, constantly, from my H that he believes that there's no coming back from what he's done - cause it's so monstrous and he's such a bad person.

Is there anything I can do around that?

Good question. I think that some continue to justify it. As long as it is justified, then nothing bad happened. Some probably admit that what they did was wrong, seek forgiveness, and move forward from there. But the bottom line is, "who knows?"

I think that one thing that you can do to make it easier is to be careful about what you say and who you say it to. If, for example, you spend lots of time trashing the cheating WAS to family and/or friends, it is going to make it much more difficult for that WAS to come back and/or heal from it. They will face the likelihood of being judged, ostracized, and talked about. I think that it is very important that you keep the fact of the A to yourself, those here on this board, and maybe to very few very close friends or family members who you strongly believe will forgive him if you do.

Denver