Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing

[Jenna333]

Thanks, adinva. We honestly have had no idea how to have a mature relationship. We certainly didn't have any positive ones modeled for us growing up. It feels like we're building this from scratch now. We didn't have a mature, positive relationship to start with. I was 15 and he was 16! I believe that is why we've made so many mistakes. Our C told us that most people do a lot of their screwing up in relationships in their 20s, and by the time they find the person that they marry, they have a much clearer understanding of what works and what doesn't. We grew up together. We didn't have the freedom that many others do. I had our first at 17 and our second at 20.

With regard to asking permission and having respect, it's definitely something that we're tinkering with. I do agree that he shouldn't have to ask permission, but also if he just tells me what he's doing, and I have an issue with it, he makes me feel like I'm controlling him and killing his fun. I don't think it's ok for him to stay out until 4am. After last weekend, he now understands why and agrees. When it comes to my slamming him when he doesn't go all the way with what I expected, you're right. I shouldn't do that. I just fear that if I only focus on the good, he'll think going halfway with the truth and doing what's right is working for us and acceptable, and that isn't ok in the long run. I know I struggle with control issues. I'm working hard on myself. It's tough being with someone who likes to go out to bars all the time. I'm envious of those who say their husbands don't like to go out much, but they don't have a problem with it. They have no idea.

We had a really nice time together last night. I of course didn't get home until 11 from school, and he got home soon after from work. He cooked us burgers and we watched a show together and cuddled He really appreciated that I let him express himself yesterday regarding his fear of me meeting a doctor and flirting yesterday. He knew it was ridiculous, but he expressed that he does have insecurity issues with me and that the irrational thoughts are hard to quell at times. I completely understand. Instead of telling him how silly that was and to stop doing that, I held him and told him that he has nothing to worry about, that I love and want only him. When we hung out last night he kept telling me how much he loves me.

I've noticed that my actions and words play an enormous role in how he behaves. Not just around me, but in general. Just the simple act of telling him that it's ok for him to share his feelings with me, and not getting upset with him at the slightest, really helps him to feel secure. I hope he can start finding security within himself, though. I started finding it within myself during our separation.