A poor word choice -- it might sound like I mean you should get entrenched in a position and be inflexible or unwilling to reach out. I don't.
Suppose there is a child who acts out, the parent reacts badly, the child sulks until the parent patches thing up by giving the child a piece of candy. The child gets very good at sulking. The parent tries to hold out, but pays in the end by putting up with the sulking for a very long time and ending it with only double the candy. In this case, "giving in" or "having no backbone" does not improve the relationship, indeed, it reinforces unhealthy patterns.
Better would be to (1) stop reacting badly -- the parent needs to quit playing the same role in the pattern, and (2) do something different than battling wills and giving candy in reaction to sulking, like, for instance, detaching from the sulking, go about business as usual, be normal and positive, etc...
To me, it seems you and W have a similar dynamic going, you ask for sex, W responds in an unloving manner, you react badly, she sulks, you give her the mea culpa candy of being the bad guy, rinse, repeat.
The first thing to do is to stop reacting badly to quit playing your role in the pattern. Make a list of different things to do: take some space and self sooth, make a flirtatious joke about next time, suggest an alternative like a cuddle. Maybe only the first of these works, who knows? Experiment and find something that does.
The second thing is to detach from the sulking and leave it alone. Go about business as usual, be positive and upbeat. Detach. It is HER sulking, you needn't own it.
As for the gift, if she doesn't like gifts, then I agree, it isn't a great idea. If you had amazing hot sex before you left and a great trip, how would you be when you got home? Do something good for yourself, get in a good frame of mind, detach and be positive. Think of your three favorite things about W for 2 minutes before you walk in the door.
