Look your situation needs some distance. We have all been where you are, in some form or another. Heard the horrible stuff and got the horrible behaviour. It stinks, but there isn't a thing we can do about the MLcer, only ourselves. They aren't rational or kind with regard to us, and we didn't deserve it.
Until you detach you will be miserable. Detaching will help to restore your equilibrium and move you towards a happier place Going after your h and trying to change his mind doesn't work. Never has and never will in MLC.
To some extent I agree with Kml. You are a stay at home wife. But I also agree with Beingme - military wives are different. And so actually are wives generally. There are vows, and your husbands behaviour has released you from obligations. But none of that registers with the MLCer. This isn't about rights and wrongs, it is about getting done what needs to be done to move the situation on.
So detach, and set out your boundaries. We needed to sell our house, [and I had been living elsewhere] So I moved back in and cleaned and sorted, and did far more than my 'fair share' because I wanted it sold, to move on.
What are your longer term goals - to move on from this horrible place you are in? The more you do, the faster you can move on.
Sorry to be tough, but I have been reading along, and you are going round and round in circles of misery and disbelief. I am so sorry for where you are, but time to pull up the big girl panties. Hugs, B
