So last night, we seemed to go back to that weird twilight zone-esque existence. I got some more bad news about my dad (Docs suspect he may have multiple myeloma... waiting for tests now), so the mood in the house was pretty down. W was stressed out, but seemed to be so for reasons other than the bad news, as well. She complained about feeling hormonal.
She brought up going to MC again. I agreed that we needed to go on and get started. I'm not sure why this is making me so nervous. It's something I've been wanting, but the last time there was any R talk, she spoke of going to MC to show we were done, to satisfy any requirements a judge might have in D proceedings, etc. Then I balance that against the good interaction we've been having - like her thanking me for keeping up the kitchen. When she did that last night, I thanked her and told her it meant a lot to me.
It's just so confusing. It almost seems like she might want to give R another shot, but she hasn't said that. On the other hand, she hasn't said she still wants a divorce. She seems to talk like it's going to happen and I should know it already, but I accept that there's a lot of fear motivating that thought.
I'm starting to wonder about the apology again... I think it may be best to wait until we're in a "safe place" to do it, but on the other hand, getting it out before MC begins might be a help also. Mach told me to wait until the time was right, but now I'm wondering how I'll know.
What am I more afraid of here? Failing or succeeding? Hmm...
Me: 31 W: 28 M: almost 6 T: 10.5 S2 Bomb#1: 05/11 Bomb#2: 11/11 S'd: 11/28/11 Moved back in: 12/28/11 MC: 06/28/12
