I need some help on setting boundaries. I am sad to say that they are somewhat a foreign concept to me. Time for that to change. So, she uses my computer to comm w/OM (hers is broken so we "traded"). She takes walks in the evening to talk to him on her phone (family money pays for phones). I'm glad that she leaves the house to talk. And then there's the big one, MY WIFE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR AND I WON"T STAND FOR IT! But what does that mean? What does it look like? I've been looking through the forums on this, and advice is usually "Here is what I won't accept. If you do X, then Y will happen. If you don't do X, then Z will happen." But I need help with specifics. Brainstorming: "W, I will not live in an open M. If you continue to comm w/OM, then ..." Okay, let's start with a smaller one. "W, I will not allow my computer to be used to carry on an affair against me. If you continue to do so, you will have to use your computer." Zing! (just kidding) "W, I am not going to sleep on the couch anymore. I will sleep in our bedroom. If you feel uncomfortable there, I think you should sleep on the couch." (we've been taking turns) "W, I will not move out of my children's home unless I am ordered to do so by a judge. If you need space, we can talk about the details of you moving out." Please help. Some of those don't feel right/strong. I could cancel our phone lines, cancel our internet (or just hide the router or change password), put her phone in a blender. Any other ideas? And then I come back to the big boundary that is being invaded and totally belittling me. What is the "...then Y" there?
