Well he responded with that he is having a hard time with his emotions and the fact that he has to pay so much child support. He feels threatened because I am taking all of his money.
I texted him that we both have areas in which we are struggling. His is the money, mine is the fact that he betrayed me and his children by adultery and destroyed a loving family. I told him I can't fix what happened and I will continue to go after what is rightfully mine financially. I said regardless of our pain, we can still act like civil beings. I told him I try to focus on some of his good qualities rather than his lapse in moral judgement.
I told him he can choose to act anyway he wants, it is just that I will not be listening or tolerating his crap anymore.
I admitted to him that i take some responsibility in the demise of the marriage, but I don't think taking his pants down and inserting a bimbo is the way to handle it.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I think you need to tell him that the child support is not money he is giving you. It's for the kids, and it's necessary for you to support them. What would they do without it??
As far as the rest, I hope he doesn't get defensive. I mean, I'm sure the blush is off the rose with the OW, but if YOU call her a bimbo, he's just going to lash out at you.
I suppose it's possible he's grown up a little bit now, though.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
What is all telling is that my ex also refers to her as "the bimbo". He called her this many times in the conversation. He really has no respect for her and she is just a means to an end. He can't be alone to face his fears and himself so he has to take along a body.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, I think he's looking at the glass as half empty. Money is money to him and he doesn't want to "share" any of it w/you or the children. He's still very selfish. Well, there are consequences for his actions and this is hitting him below the belt in many ways.
I'm glad you finally called him on his rude behavior. There is absolutely no reason for him to act that way. You've been more than kind and civil to him and it's time he be held accountable for his behavior. I think you did the right thing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Had to have contact with ex regarding the kids schedules, he was very polite and thank ful. It seems now when I call him on his behavior, he improves for a short period of time.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I call OW "That Arkansas Hillbilly". I doubt seriously my H ever calls her that, and I have never said that in front of him.
I am hesitant to call my H on rude behavior. I did the other day, and noticed it was something about food, and I realized he is a selfish pig!
We were making pizza, and like a child he decided to make a stuffed crust pizza, and he used half the cheese intended for 4 small pizzas on making one! It is like the reasoning switch is turned off with the empathy switch.
This goes with what Snodderly said about money, and not wanting to share.
Glad to hear your ex was polite!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I have decided that I will start calling my ex on any bad behavior. I am very tired of it. I will do it in a very calm and unabrasive way, but boundaries here I come.
I have a court date with ex next Monday to raise child support due to it getting decreased last January due to an error on my part. He is starting to stew about this and has asked me several times to stop the hearing. He goes from spewing, to pleading, to bargaining. Money is his God.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, You do what you need to do to correct the child support payments. Oh, you are definitely hitting him below the belt and yes, money is their "power" and God while in crisis.
I don't blame you for calling him on his behavior. I wouldn't worry too much about his spewing, he'll get over it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sounds like your EX and my H are related. H filed for D well over a year ago. When I went against his plan and got my own L and he found out that I would be asking for alimony, well, that's the last time D was mentioned by him.
Now, since he's not getting his own way, he can't even look me in the eye and be civil. It's all about 'his' precious money.
