MC says to call it quits

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

Accuray:

What strikes me is that you keep running into this in one way or another. It is not only the "health" of your relationship with your wife that is defined by your sex life...it is your definition of who you are that is tied very strongly toyour sex life.

This is a "problem" that is going to keep recurring. What I see is this: if your sex life isn't going somewhat in a direction that you think that it "should" even after all you've been through that somehow you are, and I'm choosing a strong word intentionally, a "failure."

At age 48, I was 4 years into my current drought and although the initial upset had diminished somewhat, I look at what I wrote in my journals at that time and I was clearly very upset at the lack of sex and what it "meant."

So, what does it mean about you? What meaning do you apply to yourself, not your marriage, not your wife, not your kids, or anything else?

That meaning, whatever it is that you apply to yourself on the subject of your sex life is precisely the difficulty you keep running into. You keep running into this definition of your self that is so tied to your sex life and that keeps you "miserable" (in that you feel the need to patch stuff up, you don't sleep well, etc).

It is difficult to undo this definition of yourself because you've set your life up to support that way of looking at yourself. And as long as you continue to define yourself this way, you will keep bumping into this problem.

How you undo that and redefine yourself is the challenge.

The Captain