Sandi - Was going to mention and forgot. The mutual female friend that we share that w isn't happy with is a married lesbian. My w has nothing at all to fear there.
Okay. Wife might not have jealously from a sexual insecurity where friend is concerned. However, until W feels secure in the MR, she will be very sensitive to any R's that take more of your time & attention than what you're giving her. Now, don't blow this out of the water. B/c once she feels she "owns" first place in your heart/life, then she will begin to mellow out. But since this was a very big issue for her, then it seems to me that you would need to be cautious.
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She has something to fear there even if you don't agree that it's legitimate. The fact is that W objects to this friend. Why?
I'm with Adinva here.
Speaking as a former hurt WAW who use to never feel first place with my H, I just want you to understand how critical it is that she sees you are willing to cut your time with others (or maybe even cut the friendship with particulars)...if she has a problem with any.
Even though she said you could still hang out with this mutual friend, in her heart she really wants to hear something like...."Honey, I hate to lose this friend but if you can't be friends with her...then that's good enough for me, too".
Your W wants to see where you place your loyalty. That will be a healing suave for her. In time, she might be able to pick up that friendship again.
BTW, are these things you mentioned just issues you're thinking about, or did you & W discuss this when you were sitting outside?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
