taking the time to watch the wave

[BFloat]

it's been a weird couple of days. it was really windy again yesterday so my gf and i planned to catch an early ferry back to the mainland. when we got back home, H was sleeping on the couch. i fed the kids dinner, bathed them and then put them to bed. I stayed upstairs to watch TV. when H was leaving, he apologized for not talking to me that much when we got back because he was so tired. i secretly thought to myself.. he hasn't actually talked to me in a long time.. why apologize now?

i was tidying up when i found a piece of paper w/ an email on it. i asked H if he needed the piece of paper. i just glanced and it was an email address. it seems he created a new acct recently. i didn't really think anything of it but he started explaining how he has been applying for a lot of jobs recently.. blah blah.

H txted tonight making small talk and then asking about whether which weekend he was watching them w/ my new work rotation. he was hoping to get go out the last weekend in march which was supposed to be his weekend. he was hoping to swap etc. so i compromised. he was supposed to be with the kids this weekend but had asked me to watch them friday because he wanted to go out (his friend is moving away soon). so i said i didn't mind watching them the last weekend if he came tomorrow night (since i had originally planned to see some friends). he thanked me for being flexible. i almost said.. of course! i'm nice person! but i held my tongue.

he planned to come tomorrow around noon. i mentioned that i was thinking about going out to get new car seats for the kids and H asked whether i needed help picking them out. said sure! S needs a haircut too.

it may sound like things are going well and H is drawing nearer but. i don't really think that. the last time i thought we were being friendlier.. H ended up announcing at the counseling session that he wanted a D! so now i'm not thinking anything of it.

H and i have not gone and done anything together since christmas when we went to FIL's.

so tomorrow.. will have to figure out an activity to GAL. i actually didn't have any concrete plans but.. H didn't need to know that. working the rest of the weekend then, heading off for another getaway. this one will be just the kids and i. there will be a lot of solitude which i think will be nice. my kids.. my time..