My Wife Wants to Separate

[DeterminedFather]

Hello,
We've been separated 9 months and essentially not much has changed.

We did go see a mc for 6 sessions in December and January. I hoped she was ready to talk about reconciling but it turned into 6 sessions of her listing all her problems with me. The new part was her saying that she felt like I was her abuser and that we had an abusive relationship. There was no physical abuse. There was no yelling by me. I didn't listen to her, support her in her fights with her family and mine. I didn't deal with her emotional needs as I should. The "abuse" was 5 years ago when she and I had sex after 1+ years of not being intimate. There was no coercion on my part, just me being insensitive about how while she was saying yes, she felt like she was being used. After 6 sessions of her expressing her negative feelings toward me and how impossible it would be to get back together neither of us wanted to continue.

Now, my wife can't deal with the uncertain future. She is pushing for us to make a decision to Divorce or Get back together. She has stated she wants to get divorced because she only loves me as if I'm family or one of her children. Tonight when she called she brought up again how she sees me as her abuser and that how I haven't come to terms with my abuse of her. I won't admit what I did. She also stated that she sees her mother as her abuser (wife hasn't talked to mother or brothers in 2 years)

She also said that she needs to be strong and file paperwork to get started on divorce.

Should I respond to her concerns about me being her abuser? During therapy I've told her how I wasn't supportive and understanding of her needs, that I understand how she thinks us having sex was me being her abuser.

How should I respond to her wanting to file for divorce? She wants to do a collaborative divorce. I feel as if she wants a divorce she should file.

Mike