Detached, but not Broken-a diary of a LRT

[Yasu]

Broken, I'm not sure 25 touched on this. This Uncondional Love you speak of, does not mean you will come back to your wife on whatever terms, or no matter what happened in the past.

It is more like the way your love would not change for your Mother if she were convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison. The love for your mother would not change, if it is there to start with. The reason it won't change is because it is unconditional.

I may not be quite on target with my example. And please DBer's reuse me if I am wrong. Broken, I am now just starting to wrap my own head around these concepts - so please forgive any confusion I may have. However, you may learn from my journey.

When you spoke that your wife knows you will come back to her no matter what, I'm not positive that is unconditional love - in, at least, the CONTEXT of your post (particularly 25's observations).

Recently, I made a serious judgment mistake. I thought my six months away had helped me develop detachment. Indeed, I developed a withdrawal from my negative encounters with husband, and was busy with a big renovation project, and had made a number of new friends.

My mistake was equating withdraw with detachment. I am not detached. In fact, after now in my fourt year of this separation, my new therapist pointed out to me that in terms of the grieving stages, I'm hovering around "bargaining" and bouncing into denial once in a while.

...note. Going thru DB process, detachment, real detachment is absolutely necessary or you will remain in denial. There are some posters where you can see this. I'm close to being one of them, that is why my final boundary is to endure the Court system once again in my life. Not of my making. Anyone that would put me thru something like that has crossed a nonnegotiable. Actually, just the threat has sealed the coffin for me.

Please learn about real detachment. This will enable you to discuss matters with your wife in a business manner, and allow you to listen and learn from her as you grow during this period that she asked you to leave. This is a gift of time, and unconditional love will always be more preferable to anger, one-ups-man-ship, causing jeleiousy, or using intimidation - no matter what subtle form.

I will keep reading your thread, as I have to keep working on detachment and GALing. I'm feeling so much better with my new medication! It sounds like a crazy a$$Ed dose, but it is really working. Today, I finished, copied, and over-buggers one year's worth of financials, credit card statements, retirement fund statements, bank accounts, etc. I even made a copy for opposing council. Wasn't that nice of me! (I had some help!). But it's done! Yipee! Best to you. Yas