hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now

[MichelleLT]

[15:04] roger: It's easier to delete people than u think.
[15:05] roger: I wish i wasn't so sensitive. I could get a job as a hitman. Good money and it would force me to work out lol
[15:07] mi: I guess there's always a silver lining
[15:09] mi: As for my point, I guess it was that I see you as being very good at brushing things under the rug until your resentment boils over and you blow up at people, or at least give up on them
[15:14] roger: Yep
[15:15] roger: It is a trait that comes with hating life. If you don't like life, it's easy to push others away.
[15:17] roger: As why i felt it was best for me to leave. You don't need to be with a miserable person again. Yuo can find someone who likes life like u do and will be better for you. I am sure of that. ... Sorry
[15:17] roger: As for myself I am going back into EMDR
[15:18] roger: and we are doiing it weekly starting next month.
[15:18] mi: yeah, well, I'm sorry, but it's not your job to decide what's fair for me
[15:18] mi: and I hope the EMDR helps
[15:18] roger: Well I wasn't happy so I did what was best for me
[15:18] roger: I don't know if I will ever be happy but only time will tell
[15:20] roger: Call it a guilt trip instilled by me.
[15:20] roger: I had to take care of my sick mom when i was young.
[15:20] roger: I resented that.
[15:21] roger: I don't want anyone to take care of me because It makes me feel guilty
[15:21] roger: I need to get over my illness before I can be comfortable with being with someone
[15:21] mi: yeah, because you're so sickly and require so much looking after (note the sarcasm)
[15:22] roger: well sleep walking and my seizure at my sisters isn't making me feel good
[15:23] roger: the seizures are getting worse and now i have to go back to docs to get totally checked out. (this is new since we broke up)
[15:23] roger: waiting for the insureance
[15:23] mi: supporting and taking care of are two different things. but you push away anyone who tries to do either
[15:24] mi: I really couldn't imagine why you were single
[15:24] mi: guess now my eyes have been opened
[15:25] mi: you have the most ridiculous expectations of yourself and your relationships
[15:27] roger: Yeah well ... coming from a girl whose family has been together since the beginning and has had ongong love and support mother and father ... I have to take that with a large grain of salt
[15:28] mi: yeah, that's what family and friends are for. and significant others are supposed to be the family you choose for yourself
[15:28] mi: everyone is going to be sick or hurt at some point in their life
[15:28] roger: Well as u so well know i have had such great role models
[15:29] mi: and I expect my family and friends to help me out when things suck.
[15:29] roger: Right... Well I don't want to put my burden on Anyone
[15:29] roger: I don't
[15:29] roger: I expect them to disappear like mine do
[15:29] mi: just cuz you've had shitty role models doesn't mean you have to repeat the pattern
[15:29] roger: The only one that's been there for me is Steve
[15:30] roger: No it doesn't
[15:30] roger: I'm not saying what I do is Right
[15:30] roger: I'm just saying why i do it.
[15:30] roger: Cuz I feel like [censored] any other way
[15:30] roger: it's my natural instinct
[15:31] roger: close down to survive
[15:31] roger: I am working on it but it's a lifetime of [censored] that I have been digging up
[15:31] mi: yeah, I know you are
[15:34] roger: It is quite difficult to reprogram the mind after a lifetime of training/programming
[15:36] roger: As for you. I am not trying to delete u.
[15:36] roger: As for your friends. They are your friends. Not mine.
[15:38] mi: no, if anything you act like I'm supposed to just be able to switch to being "just friends" like flipping a light switch
[15:38] roger: I am sorry if it seems that way. I don't "expect" it
[15:39] roger: I am only trying to be friends since I don't want u to think I am totally abandoning u and the dog
[15:40] roger: I am here. if u need
[15:40] roger: anyway i really need to focus on work. I'm really far behind today
[15:41] roger: You are welcome to leave the dog at my house tonight
[15:41] mi: yeah I will