Six weeks of separation and counting

[ptcr]

Accuray...you are 100% correct. No reply to my email. I feel like a fool....he texted me when they got to Montana on spring break skiing and i thanked him because I was worried. i guess i was thinking he did the same...or maybe I wanted a reply is more like it.

Please tell me how to get back to normal...I was fine before he started circling in my life again with contact on Friday, Sat, Mon and Tuesday to airport. Should I have NOT done those...if so which. I am desperate for advice. After I went to bed, I think i have been detaching FOR HIM!!!! To show him I AM OKAY and NOT for me. Does this make sense? Do other people do this too? What a fool I am. Do you think I have back pedalled?

Detaching and nothing between us has been working. I have seen him coming around. Is this cake eating or is he trying to see if he wants to be with us? Even if I didnt ask him to pizza before the game, we would have seen him there.

So....based on recent 'movement' in my situation, I think I am just desperate to know what he is thinking and planning and that he is going to give our family another shot.

Heaven help me....really.....

along with the word desperate, let me admit that I snooped on his email to see if he had actually received mine. OK Í know this only hurts me....and he is talking to the OM and meeting her tonight in Boston and has plans to see her again in NYC on 2 different lazovers and also said to her good job on renting the truck...she lives in CT now. She was talking about moving to GA. Now i think she is moving to NY.

Can i control him? Did this ONLY hurt me? Is it making me nuts? I feel like I lost the resolve at detachment I had...but then I decided maybe i onlz liked the 'idea' of detachment and that I actually was only staying busy and not really growing personally.

Somebody wake me when this is over....that is all I can think. This limbo stinks worse than i can imagine. I keep trying to remember that it is temporary and that we will go in one direction or another....I have hope. But then anger quickly follows this because I may go on alone and I am scared to death. i went from graduating from college straight to married life.

AHHHHHH!

Thank you for listening....all of you are my rocks.