Detached, but not Broken-a diary of a LRT

[Broken74]

Thanks 25, I greatly appreciate your taking the time to review my sitch and provide feedback.

Regarding the kids, I have read and reflected a lot. They truly need a positive role model in their lives, because their respective fathers certainly are not. I am ready to treat them as my own, should I be afforded that opportunity in the future. I really do miss them and the things we used to do.

The OM certainly was intimidated by me, and he had a right to be at a point in time, but worrying about me now is his own head messing with him. Even though I forgive them both can't say I mind lol. My wife tried to get the DA to drop all charges. She filed the restraining order as a means to an end to get me out of the house, so she could try to rekindle the EA that I busted up. I am a physical presence but I am generally not an intimidating person, my W would attest that she never feared for her physical safety. All this being said I understand that her viewpoint may be different, as perhaps she though differently since she got caught outside her marriage with another man... As you can see this still gets me spun up but I continue to work in this area.

I see your point on the bribery and how that can be construed as controlling. What I can't figure out is how to apply the DB principles while at the same time "be kind and gentle to her and concerned for the kids". That's what I have been trying to do, but I can't go dark/LRT and be kind and gentle to her and concerned for the kids, unless that just means responding in kind when she reaches out to me... Which I realize is what I need to do.

25 you really have a way of making me be able to see her perspective. You're right, the handful of beers I've had were at work related functions, and there's no excuse for it, but I haven't got intoxicated. I know that doesn't matter.

I am going to heed your advice 25, it will be easy for me to back off for the next few days at least, and if she reaches out I will be kind and gentle as I have been for her and the kids, and see where it goes from there.

Thanks again for your feedback it's much appreciated :-)