Stuck in a mess

[Dory]

I must admit that later in my sitch, I added an 11th goal... "Save my F'n Marriage"... LOL... Obviously, that is the reason that we all ended up here on this site.

Thanks for the laugh, Denver! I really needed that! I'll have to look up your previous posts & read up on your sitch. It sounds like you and your W are piecing? If that's the case, I think that's fantastic!

I wasn't able to get back here yesterday. I had an intense therapy session & ended up having to white-knuckle it on the way home since it was snowing. So I'll add to my personal goals: Must become more confident while driving in winter conditions. Maybe a driving lesson or two is in my future...a bit of a sad state of affairs seeing that I'm Canadian.

So I was pretty exhausted by the time I got home. Then I noticed that the cat had spent the previous night & most of the day yesterday shut in one of the bedrooms in the basement & peed all over the recliner - so the room absolutely reeks of cat urine. I texted H & asked him if he could help me move the chair up into the garage so hopefully I can clean it & get the smell out. He's coming over tonight to get that done and is going to stay for dinner. D12 has been bugging me for the past couple of weeks to order Chinese & I've been hesitant because of the amount of leftovers & I don't like food going to waste. So it seemed like a good enough reason to invite H to stay & join us for dinner. He accepted the invitation.

Now, I know this ^^^ comes across as pursuing...

At what point is it ok (if ever) to go against some of the 37 rules? The past several weeks H has accepted every invitation for dinner (only 3 since New Year's). I've been trying to play it cool and keep it all to a minimum as I don't want to re-engage in the pursuer/distancer dance. I'm trying to take it as slow as I can & it seems to be working but I am so afraid of messing this up & having to start all over again. Any advice from some more experienced DB'ers?

I also wanted to add that I am 99.9% certain that there is no OW. I really don't believe that H is capable of it. H has some pretty strong opinions about infidelity (FIL cheated on MIL & H's XW did the same with H's former best friend) as well as strong opinions about those who engage in it. If anything, my main competition for H's attention has been his work. He's very career oriented.

It's funny...last weekend when H was here I caught myself just staring at him a couple of times & thinking to myself, "He's so cute!" ... like I'm some sort of googly eyed teenager. Geez, Louise! I need to get a grip.