I have been browsing the forum for several weeks now and have found lots of good advice to help me, especially the 180 info. So I joined and am now a member. Thanks to all for sharing.
To be brief, my situation is as follows: 28yo male, 24yo wife, 5yr relationship, 3yo son, 3yrs living together, married only 5 months, she is a part-time server, I work full-time with day job in marketing, also managing partner of startup company with mostly out of town weekend work, although only twice a month for me.
Separation #1(days) was early Feb 2011, her choice, citing increased lack of affection/love and the seemingly non-interest in marriage. Odd thing was that I already had the ring and was waiting on Valentine's Day, which was several days later, to pop the question. So I did and we planned for a summer wedding.
Separation #2(weeks) was late Apr 2011, her choice, citing the same stagnant lack of affection/love. We opted for counseling and strengthening our faith. Reconciled weeks later. Things improved a lot.
We joined a church, started going more often, and eventually got married in courthouse Oct 2011. Things were going very well. Love and affection, although weren't perfect, greatly improved. Also I reduced my out of town work to once a month, even taking the family with me then.
Fast forward, two months of no out of town work later, to mid/late Jan 2012, we were planning a big wedding ceremony for the summer, I was continually affectionate more than I use to be. Everything seemed OK! Or so I thought...
A week later, first week of Feb, she wrote me a letter stated that she was not feeling loved by me and that she was not pleased intimately! Wow, I thought all was well. I admit that the following week was crucial, but I didn't value her feelings and chose not to do anything different to help resolve her feeling this way intimately. Big mistake, weekend before Valentine's day she seemed upset but said all was OK.
Then on valentine's day she got me a gift, then I gave her one and she was very dry in accepting it. I knew something was wrong, we talked she stated the same issues and that she no longer cared anymore but that she wasn't leaving. Few days later she came home, stated she was done, what plans should we make about our son, and that she wanted divorce without ANY emotions at all.
I begged and pleaded to no avail. We have been separated since then, Feb 18, 2012, although we still live together. I have asked her to reconsider and go to God about it. She stated she's not going to anyone and isn't changing her mind. She works most evenings, and a few nights a week she gets home, change clothes and goes to one of two of her only friends left. I immediately thought she was lying/had someone else and would check phone records and follow her at first but have stopped and left her in God's hands. Currently in a successful 180 mode for 2 weeks now.
Two weeks ago after going out she came home drunk, and hugged me while on couch and kept saying she's sorry. I took her to bed, attempted to be intimate to no avail. Again 1 week ago she came home drunk, layed with me and kept stating she hates me, and that I've screwed her up for life and that she will never love again and that she gets lonely. I took her to bed and we were intimate. Next day she apologized and said she doesn't want that to ever happen again.
Then a few days ago while on couch she text me stating she cries to sleep every night, and daily thinks about getting back together but don't think it will work and doesn't want to waste time. Also stated she is lonely and feels lost, then asked me to pray for her. I simply stated I know how she feels and that I always pray for her.
She stopped going to church after split, stopped talking to a couple friends, when parents found out, stopped talking to them as much, and has told me that all her friends have been telling her to reconcile. She seems to be in full rebellion mode and I simply ask all reading to pray for her as well.
I learned that I have been angry with her and haven't communicated it, instead allowing my anger to subconsciously affect my affection and love towards her. I didn't like when she went out to party, her smoking, or her disrespectful behavior towards me(texting/facebook/twitter all the time while we are talking and even in bed!) so when she would try to be intimate I would not be into it mentally and at times would even push her away. I knew I was attracted to her looks still but could not figure out why I was so uninterested in being more affectionate and intimate with her until she broke up last time and God revealed it in a dream I had.
To the subject topic...
Her past: One instance of sexual abuse as child, 5 younger siblings with more privileged upbringing, pregnancy at 16(baby born dead), physical abuse by father of child that died, high school dropout, attempted rape as adult, many friends over years of gay/bi/lesbian lifestyles, one arrest for shoplifting as teenager.
Her present: Diagnosed with anger-management 2 years ago citing past abuse physical and sexual, and depression 2 years ago citing death of child, and resentment of parents for siblings better upbringing.
My question, depression and divorce? Any thoughts, comments, or opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading and sorry so long.
