Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith - It's A Choice

[keep_going]

V

I have caught up with your sitch and thread. I can sense all the pain and hurt that you are feeling. I am very sorry. I can relate so much with what you are going thru. My H too wants to be "friends" according to his definition, which is to have small talk, laughs together, talk about things we always shared in common (sports, family, friends, etc.). I also think he wants really to apeace his guilt, which is not my job to do.

So I am struggling really hard to sever ties. Like you, I'd love to block him or unfriend him on FB, but cannot bring myself to do it. Instead, I have just not opened my FB page since September. My last post there was for my H on his birthday. I then realized that OW posted too and I said, that's it. This is too painful for me and like you, I just want to protect my feelings at this point. I also hate when people tell me about what he posts... I should do like you and ask them not to tell me.

As for your latest money dilema, here are my thoughts.

The money will always be there but due to my industry some projects I get paid day of, others week of, some projects - 30 days after...

so my account fluctuates quite a bit. It just doesn't allow for my w to just cash $1k worth of checks whenever she is "ready".

Thoughts on if I should tell her this?

It's not really a pressure thing nor do I have any intention to stop paying her...

...but I need to control my own finances too.

You say that the money will be there and you will keep paying, so what will be the goal to tell her? Is this perhaps an attempt to control the issue and situation?

I work in the same industry as you and know about payments and money fluctuations. It's quite inconvenient. But if the money is there, just keep track of it and pretend that it is not in your account. I know it takes a bit more work in tracking finances, but it helps your goal of remaining dark with her.

Or perhaps you can set up a separate account that you share with her and deposit whatever money you give her there. That way it is separate from the rest of your finances and she can take it out or cash whenever she sees fit.

I don't know... it's all very inconvenient, but I guess you need to see if it's worth it to help you keep on track with your goals.

Hope it helps.
You are a very strong woman and a source of inspiration. :-)