My Story So Far. Is this even worth saving?

[mimivac]

I'm just really frustrated because just when I feel things were starting to look up in other areas of my life, my M starts to fall apart, something I never thought would happen.

I understand this feeling and how it can fuel anger. For me, I had finally finished treatment for a life-threatening illness, my h and I had purchased our dream house, and we both had steady, well-paying jobs. I was breathing a sigh of relief and thinking, "finally. Smooth sailing." What I learned is that life doesn't work that way. It ebs and flows. Far from feeling insecure about this, I am finding my ability to handle it very comforting. Now I know that I can handle the pitfalls of life and don't always have to have everything running perfectly in order to be happy. It's actually a very empowering feeling.

We had another argument last night. I'm trying to detatch, but he was moping around yesterday and complaining about how "depressed" he was. It just made me angry.

This is where GAL comes in. Try not to take his depression personally. That is something he has to work out on his own and it has many facets, some of which you probably are not even aware of. I used to feel incredibly guilty and anxious when my h got this way. He was like this for months before the bomb and I always felt like I caused the depression and that I had to "fix" it. Of course, I could not. I would also get angry because his depression was bringing me down, too. Sometimes he would annouce in advance that we would not be having a good weekend because of his depression. It got so that it was really affecting my ability to enjoy life. You have encouraged him to see an IC and that's good. If he wants to talk and share his feelings, let him do so and simply validate them if you can. Otherwise, try to get busy with your own life and activities so that you are not tempted to confront him. Maybe the next time he mopes around the house, ask if he wants to talk about it or if he wants to join you in an activity. If he is determined to sulk, go do that activity yourself. Make a commitment to yourself to do this everytime and you will be less focused on him.

MC suggested we go out on a date and not talk about our problems. I plan on having a nice, light lunch. We'll see how well that turns out...

This is good. H and I pretty much employ this policy full time. Our mc sessions are the platform we use to discuss the R and hash out our problems. Outside of that, we live our own lives and get together to enjoy each other's company. It is working for us so far and takes the pressure off for the time being.

For GAL, I'm taking a class in jewellery making. I'm also going to the gym, going out at nights to movies, inviting friends over for dinner. That type of thing. Basically being more social. H is invited to go along, but if he doesn't want to, I'll go myself.

Great! Keep it up.

She was someone new to talk to. She was someone different. She wrote herself. She has 3 kids and he played with them. She was refreshing. I'm the boring, nagging wife who takes care of the house, pays the bills and handles everything. I feel like I became his mother.

If you feel that way, I can see some potential 180's here for you. Part of your GAL could be to do different activities, to "refresh" yourself, in a sense. You say you don't write, but are an avid reader. Why not join a book club? You can expand yourself, while also having a potential new (creative) topic to discuss with your h.

Have you thought about delegating some of the financial or other obligations to your h? It might make him feel more responsible for your M, more like part of a team with you and less like your subordinate. And it would relieve some of the pressure on you to do everything.

Good luck!

Mimi