Wife in the slightly slower "Amtrack D mode" now..

[tenbusrider]

Monkey,

Just my thoughts, take it or leave it. You've had a couple of days now to think a little bit and process your feelings.

You said you showed up at a time when she normally wasn't there, but she was. She was likely caught off guard and was upset by that... then things snowballed. I think you handled the situation admirably, especially by not feeding in to her behavior.

How often has she had a chance to express her frustrations to you? You don't talk very often, from what I gather (LRT still in effect), so she may not feel she's had a chance to get everything out in the open, even when it's the stuff that comes up over and over. For me and my W, it took her being able to empty out all of her feelings and my transgressions in front of someone who'd hold me accountable, before she stopped letting it be a daily nuisance. This is where asking for forgiveness should help smooth things over.

I don't have any idea if something similar would help you... but if she's running the argument loop on you every time she sees you, something's bothering her that D won't help.

Just my thoughts. I know this is hard for you, brother. On the other hand, I think you've hit detachment gold.